Things I Found On Ebay

Cooper won a new disc golf bag on Ebay a few weeks ago.  He was so proud of himself - he bid and kept watch over his bid and finally won it.  Now keep in mind that Cooper has no source of income so guess who paid for his fantastic find?  Yep, the budget Nazi. [I gently asked for the money via a text message. In the middle of football practice when I knew he wasn't paying attention.  It worked.]  Of course, when the bag arrives at our house it not addressed to Cooper but to a George Booty. "Mom, I can't give them my real name.  What if they are stalkers? Geez..."  So he came up with George Booty???  I suppose normal names were just too much for him to handle.

He has developed a love of Ebay and periodically he will tell me about crazy things he finds while searching for disc golf stuff [and listening to some of the most horrendous music ever].  Tonight I decided to do a little searching me'self to see what is out there and this is what I found:

This little gem here would be alien crap.  The description underneath said that they were not sure if it had been used or not.  My question [besides the OBVIOUS one here] is how exactly does one use alien crap?  Is that like use for medicinal purposes ["Take two of these and er...crap two of these...er...just take 'em or crap 'em and let me know how you feel in the morning."] when traditional medicine isn't the cure?  Is this something that might give you super powers [or simply make you look  like the idiot you have to be if you own this AND believe it to be alien crap]?



Now I love me some A1 steak sause.  I eat it over spaghetti noodles, with butter and parmesean [or however that stupid word is spelled] cheese.  I use it on baked potatoes.  I like it on a lot of things.  Apparently, for a low, low price, I can buy a blow up bottle of it off of Ebay.  I am thinking of who I can give this to for Christmas this year [It has to be someone I REALLY like].   

Who wouldn't want to be wearing bacon on that cut? [Some of you just shook your head in absolute excitement.] According to the overbearing nice saleswoman [Am I supposed to just use the word "person" here for saleswoman?  I am sure there is some Call-Us-Salespeople group that will rise up and demand to be treated equally when behind the counter at Claire's Highly-Overpriced-And-Basically-A-Ripoff Boutique.] bacon AND mustaches are [and I quote] "all the rage this year!"  What is this world coming to?  I know....

This snazzy little purse [wonder if it comes with the Lincoln] is none other than your standard, taxadermied [I had to Google the correct spelling of that word just now] bull frog purse.  According to the description it was featured on Jay Leno.  If you buy it then you will be very HOPPY!!!

Now we are moving into the morbid area.  If you choose to purchase a casket then you can do so via Ebay.  I'm guessing this is something that you might get and decide that you no longer need it [Hmph...I ain't dyin' ~ forget that mess!] or you got one and didn't like it [yeah...I'm thinking this one just doesn't suit me...not soft enough] or you simply want to make the rest of us have one of those moments where we are thinking to ourselves, "That person selling it is probably kin to me."  This picture is an example of a cat casket, complete with a whole array of end of life number 9 stuff for when Mr. Fluffers kicks it on up to the windowsill in the sky.  Good to know...

Not going to lie ~ this one gave me the creeps [probably because the description said, "Creepy Doll Parts"].  You know [because you grew up like me, watching Chucky] that there is NOTHING good that can come from this pile of doll parts.  What would you do if this showed up on your doorstep?

One of my personal faves is the extra long fry bent into the shape of a ribbon of support [nothing says combat a potentially life threatening disease like a greasy (see the spot to the right?) french fry pinned to your lapel].  I am a little upset that I can't see Mother Theresa or at least Michael Landon in the the grease spot.

Hmmm...Underpants for your hands?  Not too sure I want to know ANYTHING else about these tighty whiteys....

I hate it when a squirrel, after a road kill incident, is carried off the scene with dirty undies on! Do those momma squirrels not tell them to change their undies BEFORE they go out, in case of an accident?

A tiny egg. Bidding begins at $1100.  Go head.  You know you want to.

Now I have heard of folks pissing away money but never heard of them used money to cover their piss.  [Should come with a sticker that says, "Break glass in case of an emergency but do not retrieve the coins from yellow water."]

[Disclaimer: Ebay has some pretty bizzaro and weird stuff so make sure little eyes are not around.]

Not a bad night's work...I am sure there is more to find...