Monday, February 28, 2011
So I've been gone for a while [well not really...I've been here....just not on the blog.] I know that many of you have been downtrodden and totally PO'd when you've come here to Step Away only to find the last, boring posts still hanging around. Admit it ~ some of you are HOOKED. [Most of you just want to see what craziness I'm preachin' about happening on Fulton Drive or you're one of my children's teachers and you need something to explain why the act they way they do in public...either way, you like it.] We've been super busy over here at the Short house with all kinds of ball - basketball, softball, goofball [reference to Craig] etc. We are some ball playing people at the Short house. [OK...I don't play softball or basketball. I could...if I really wanted to...OK, maybe not...] And Gabester the Babester and Flossie are going to play Tball this year. That should absolutely, 100% be an adventure. I can imagine these things might be heard on your local Tball diamond:
Emma: I broke a nail and my necklace is getting dirty....
Gabe: I hit the umpire because I wanted to!
Emma: Do you expect me to go after that ball? Ha! If it's not coming right to me then I ain't getting it.
Gabe: I don't want to throw it back - it's mine!
Emma: I'm sweaty and hot...I'm ready to go!
Gabe: Can I have a juice box? Can I have some cereal?
In other news, I'm still plugging away at the Y. To date, I've lifted a little over 200,000lbs. [That is roughly half of my previous record of 400,000lbs - of French fries that is!!] I'm kind of at a standstill though - I need something new to do. I'm thinking of trying Zumba but I'm not sure. [Actually, I am really worried that I'll be the first person kicked out of a class for being totally uncoordinated. You ever seen me dance? Heck, sometimes walking is a struggle. Last Thursday my go-go boot heel got hung on the myriad of cords near my computer in my room. Needless to say, some kid near the front had to have the Heimlich performed on him after swallowing his gum when he laughed hysterically at me tripping. 'Nuff said.] I mean really, do I want to be the laughing stock of the Y? Do I want them to "lock" the door upon my arrival? It's no fun being fat and uncoordinated. I am not fond of the elliptical [those aren't for the uncoordinated either] and the bicycle hurts my fanny. But I need to find something new...help!!!
Gabe has been up to his typical antics. This morning, butt straight in the air in the shower, he wanted to make sure he had enough water to make "butt prints" on the shower door. [I would like to be able to tell you he came up with this little antic himself but (no pun intended) you know my husband...'Nuff said.] Saturday, at the scrimmage, he was making snow angels in the dirt. He also kicked me in the shin. [There is a story behind this so stay with me please...] Several older students were watching KM play and one of them taught Gabe to kick a stranger if one ever asked him where he lived. [A. Gabe doesn't meet strangers. B. Sometimes he lives on Mars, in the toilet, at home, or in China depending on what mood he's in.] Well he thought it would be totally hilarious [as did the baffoons he was hanging with] if he tried his little trick on me:
Gabe: Mommy, ask me where I live?
Me: Gabe, where do you *&^%@#?>+~! [He just kicked me square in the shin] Why did you do that?
Gabe [Guffawing hysterically, along with his new found, older "friends"]: They told me to! [Pointing at said older "friends", who, by the way, are still horse laughing at the old, fat coach's wife now hobbling on one leg.]
Moral of this story: Don't ask Gabe where he lives...at least not when he's in striking distance.
The Diva's turning 7 this week so we're having a PARRRTTTAAYYY... a sleepover...a slumber party. [Or, as we moms like to call it, a what-in-the-H-was-I-thinking-when-I-invited-these-things-called-seven-year-olds-to-my-house-to-spend-the-night party] Should be fun for all involved and we might even get Molly to put on make-up. If you haven't heard from me by Sunday, please call someone [not the kids from above because they are mean...and they teach people to kick] and see if I'm still alive and kicking underneath all the pink feathers and tiaras.
All work and no play makes Missy a dull girl [I really should stop quoting The Shining]. Happy Monday! As always...life as a Short is good [even with huge bruise on my leg.]
Sunday, February 20, 2011
We circled around a few times and on one of our times we meet Coop, Austin, Marcus, and Gabe. Gabe decided that the rocks lining the trail looked much better right on the path so he was throwing large stones everywhere. [Yes, I got some "Control your kid" looks from some man on the path. He got over it. He's luck y Gabe didn't peg him with a stone....just sayin'...the boy's got good aim.] Here is where my obvious lack of sense went completely out the window - I decided that Gabe should make the loop with us!! [Clearly the top of the Gateway Trail is in extreme altitudes because my thought process was all messed up due to lack of oxygen to the brain.] We made it about 2 steps and then the party really began:
"I need some WAAAATTTTEEERRRRR!!"
"My wegs [Gabanese for legs] are HHHHUUUURRRTTINNNNGGGG!"
"I can't walk...hold me!!!!"
We heard this [and I'm quite sure EVERYONE in KM did too] ALL THE WAY back to the car. [At this point, I was looking for a large boulder to 1. Hide under or 2. Hurl at myself]. We finally made it to the car [and with a screaming youngin' I think it took 5 hours or something like that...OK, like 10 minutes, but in my mind it was 5 agonizing hours.] We made it to the car and found the WWWWAAAATTTTTTEERRRRR for Gabe. Amazingly, he was ready to go walk again...what is up with that?
I am pretty sure when I rode by there today a new sign had been added:
"If you think your 4 year old will climb this trail without screaming you are sadly mistaken."
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
[Phone rings in classroom, right in the midst of the properties lab]: This is Ms. Navey. Emma has a fever and says her throat hurts.
Me [holding Erlenmeyer with denture tablet and balloon, looking like a dork]: Ok. Let me find someone to cover my class and I'll come get her.
Ms. Navey: This is how it has started in our room. EVERYONE has it.
Me: Why does Emma have to be a crowd follower?
Get her home, get her some medical attention, and let her rest. Fast forward another two hours:
Me [Feeling Gabe's head]: You are warm. Do you feel OK?
Gabe: Where's my Valentine's bag?
Me: Does anything hurt?
Gabe: Just my feet. I want my candy.
Me: Your feet?
Gabe: Yeah - you know [pointing to his feet] my feet are hurting. Give me my candy please.
So now, I am at home with two sick kids and Short's at softball tryouts. So Gabe and I trudged off to the doctor, during sick hours, to find out why he has a fever of 102 degrees. [I ruled out sticking his head in the oven and near spontaneous combustion] Now it gets better...
Picture this - a car pulls up to the door and drops off a man. He appears to be weak so he walks towards the wheelchairs in the outer lobby and stops. The woman who dropped him off goes to park the car. I peer out the door and he look as if he might pass out. Here lies my dilemma - do I get up and help him or let him fall over? Honestly, I was scared to walk towards him - he looked bad. Poor fella made it in to the lobby and he laid down on one of the couches. And then, he began to cough, and cough bad. This wasn't just a clearing my throat or I've got a tickle kind of cough. This was more like a Typhoid Mary or Bubonic Plague sort of cough. This was one of those coughs that made me want to run, quickly, out the door. [Seriously? Who wants to breathe in this germ filled air? Not me!] Thankfully, for him and me, they called him back immediately. I seriously was waiting for the ambulance to pull up to take him to the ER.
Two sick kids...two antibiotics....a running tally of motrin and tylenol and medicine for both. Bless their baby hearts :(
Between sickness, softball tryouts [I am Short's closest and most trusted advisor on all things softball], GWU, and my J-O-B, I'm feeling a bit InSaNe. [Ha....so how is that different than any other time?] All this stress makes for a good workout. [So then why don't I weigh a buck 'o five right now?]
As always, even when Mom's a little crazy [Ummm...all the time] , life is good :)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
So some little chick-a-dee at the nursery supposedly has a crush on my Gabe. Here's the conversation he had with his pops on Saturday:
Gabe: This girl at my school has a crush on me.
Craig: She does? Well what is her name?
Gabe: Jayden. I think she wants to kiss me.
Craig: Really? [But you know he was secretly, in that big head of his, saying "Atta boy!"]
There you have it folks - my four year old is a chick magnet.
I can say this with 100% certainty - God sent Molly and Cooper first so that I would be rested and prepared for Emma and Gabe. Emma can't wait to go to college - 'cause in college you can have a boyfriend and kiss him. [Note to self: Only allow Emma to apply to colleges she can commute to from home. Or, better yet, go to college with Emma.]
My heart is sad tonight as I say goodbye to my favorite Wednesday night people....Goodbye Coach Taylor. Goodbye Tim Riggins [though I can Google you]. Goodbye Matt Saracen. Goodbye Becky [stay with Luke]. Goodbye Billy [You could so be a member of my family]. Goodbye Buddy Garrity. Goodbye Dillon Panthers. Goodbye Friday Night Lights. Why do the good shows have to go off the air? Why can't they take off those dumb reality shows? Seriously, shallow, bimbos lookin' for love in all the wrong places [The Bachelor/Bachelorette] get all the glory. The Amazing Race is not so Amazing anymore - you've worn it out already! They race to the Pit Stop, eat some rat turds while climbing down a 500ft building dressed like Spiderman, and if they get their last? I'm sorry but you have been EEEliminated [that dude always puts an emphasis on the E]. America's Got Talent and American Idol - I just get totally POd watching them make fun of people. So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing with the Stars - OMG....let it go! So my family's favorite show is going off the air and all this other garbage is staying put. Guess I'm back to watching the paint peel.
Right now we are watching the Carolina-Duke game. Craig makes me so nervous. He paces and yells and decides [about 3 minutes into the first half] that the game is over if Carolina isn't in the lead. He is not your the-cup-is-half-full kinda guy. He's more like your you-drank-it-all-and-gave-me-a-dirty-cup-back kind of guy. I like to refer to him as Mr. Pessimistic [And Chief No Butt, Mr. Don't-Talk-to-Me-in-the-Morning, and Coach]. I fuss at him for having such a bad attitude - it makes his attitude worse. [That whole kick a dead horse thing just doesn't do much for me does it?] I guess, after all these years, [and countless pacing during games] that I should just get over it. If you want me to be utterly and completely honest I DON'T CARE! I am a Tarheel fan but basketball ain't my sport. It's just a game and God willing, the sun will rise tomorrow, no matter who wins.
As always, life as a Short [even during ballgames] couldn't be any sweeter :)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Of course, on the flip side, the older I get the worse I think music becomes. I would much rather pop in Journey's Greatest Hits or Bon Jovi [Wow...now that is some memories...I think of Asbury UMC Youth and a boy with the initials JL...oh how I loved him...and he liked Bon Jovi...so I like Bon Jovi] than listen to some of the trash on the radio now. Don't get me wrong, I certainly have a few faves today: Anberlin, 30 Seconds to Mars, Cavo, Angels and Airwaves, Breaking Benjamin, and the like but it's hard to top some good classic rock. In fact, I still [Honestly] have a Tesla CD that I LOVE. I won tickets to see them one time...it was glorious. I guess Tesla would be considered more your "red neck" rock or classic 80s Hair Band. Like the time I piled several friends [and my mom] up in the 1976 Chevy Nova and trucked it to Charlotte to see Def Leppard in the 9th grade. And yes, we rocked the black concert tshirt the next day at school [Uhh, anybody who was anybody rocked that same tshirt and some acid washed jeans and big hair ~ DUH!]
Really, you just can't beat some good music. We're all about music at the Short house. Gabe's new favorite it Linkin Park's Waiting on the End. [The boy loves to rock] Emma loves her some Taylor Swift [as does Molly] and Cooper's really into KJ52 [a Christian Floridian rapping white kid], Creed, and Toby Mac. And all of us like Third Day, Jeremy Camp, and similar artists.
Of course everyone has some music, on their iPod or in their CD collection that doesn't quite fit their musical tastes [sort of that secret music fetish] . For me it's disco music - specifically KC and the Sunshine Band. I also LOVE old 70s tunes like America's A Horse With No Name, Rhinestone Cowboy, Sister Golden Hair, and Hey Jude. [I'm like a walking billboard for 102.9 the Lite...I heart light rock and classic 70s elevator music...] But that is what is so great about an iPod - you can jam to Air Supply, G'n'R, and Eminem all on the same playlists - sweet! When I play the iPod at school the kids are always like, "What is that? [looking at me like I have three heads or I've just become engulfed in flames] or "That's cool. My mom listens to that and she's about your age" [followed by, "If you're like close to 45 or something."]
I think I'm getting to that age where "this" music [today's tunes] really drive me nuts. Seriously, is it just me or does every single song on 95.1 sound the same? It could be that they have their playlists on repeat - you hear the same songs every hour. It is inevitable that the following artists will be played, over and over and over again: Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, Bruno Mars, Lady Gaga [Girl please...what is up with that?], Ke$ha [Can you say TRASHY?], and Katy Perry [isn't a might dangerous to shoot fireworks from your ta-tas?] . Not to mention songs about strippers and where they booties go -really? Molly says I'm old. I'm sorry but if your songs have words like benz drop, ho [and I ain't talkin' 'bout yo Granny's tomato patch] , or is talking about strapping someone to the bed then setting the house on fire then I'm just not that into it. Just sayin'...to each their own I suppose.
I will stick to Boogie Shoes, Stagger Lee, The Edge of Desire, and of course, Welcome to the Jungle when I am working out [that is really the only time I have control of the music...much like the remote] :)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Home today with the Gabester - he has strep. I guess that whole "I feel like I gotta stick in my throat and my ear" thing was for real. Bless his heart...now comes the chore of trying to take the medicine. So far he's spit it on me three times [much like one of those spitting monkeys you see at the zoo.] I'll just let Short deal with it when he gets home....
When Gabe and I went to get said medicine I was privy to a more than slightly interesting cell phone coversation going on on the aisle beside me. Since Gabe and I had like forever to kill [CVS time > real world time] we walked around the store and looked at EVERYTHING. Gabe listened to all the cards with sounds, checked out all the Valentine's candy, [and Easter candy - who wants to wake up to 2 month old Cadbury eggs from the CVS in their basket on Easter morning? I hope Mr. Easter Bunny procrastinates like me otherwise I wouldn't dive right into that candy...just sayin'] then we ended up on the aisle with the toys. Gabe officially has the next five birthday toy lists ready. It was here that I realized that some people should not be allowed to:
1. Speak in public.
2. Have a cell phone where they can hold conversations that we can only hear one side to [Really - at least put it on speaker phone so we know why Bubba got arrested at the tattoo parlor] .
3. Subject the rest of the world to their Enquirer envious lives.
I will admit that I have walked through the grocery store with my cell phone, while having a conversation, but if the matter I am speaking about is:
a. Gross [You talk about gross stuff too]
c. In reference to someone or an incident then I try to stay in my car or tell the person at the other end we'll have to talk later. I think we are all guilty of public cell phone conversations...I just hope they were a little more civilized than some I've heard lately.
Woman: What the H is wrong with this card? I'm up here at the CVS.
[something said by other person]
Woman: Well H***! You know what they did? You know them 3 motors sitting by the house? And that tent that keeps blowin' up in the yard that we keep taking down? And that other stuff we got sittin' in the yard? Well they fined yer daddy for that. They said we got 30 days to get rid of them or we gonna have to pay the fine.
[something else said by the other person]
Woman: Well [I think she got a special at the CVS on this world] I reckon we'll go down thar and clean it up. We'll just take them kids [Here Johnny, put this motor from the Pinto on your back and carry it to the buildin'] and clean it up. I reckon we will.
[yet another something being said on the phone by the other person]
Woman: Well [Whoda thunk that she was gonna use that word?] I reckon I talk to you when I git home. I guess we'll just git it clean on Saturday.
Well there are a few lessons we can glean from this folks:
Lesson #1: If you are going to remove the motors from three of your cars maybe the yard isn't the place for them.
Lesson #2: If a tent blows up in your yard then I guess you can do one of two things - find the owner or go camping.
Lesson #3: When CVS says they are having a sale on the word "Well" then run and get you some.
Public cell phone conversations can be as bad as standing in line at the Wal-Mart [You can't just say "Wal-Mart" - you have to say "THE Wal-Mart]. But that's another blog for another day...
Well [I wasn't going to miss out on that sale] I guess it's time to see if the Spitting Monkey [aka Gabe] will take the medicine. Wish me luck....