Everest Intervention, Married to Rocky, and Musings from the Outsiders

Gabe is obsessed with Expedition Everest.  

When I say obsessed I mean that he will not stop talking about  it, watching videos on YouTube of the ride, and searching the Disney website for information.

He rode the ride twice.  

He was TERRIFIED both times. [As in he hid his head, shut his eyes, and almost puked terrified.] 

But now that we are home and a month away from the trip to Disney he is absolutely, 100% OBSESSED with this ride.  Not only is he obsessed with the ride he is obsessed with the Yeti that is on the ride. [Even though he had his eyes closed both times and he never saw the Yeti he won't quit talking about the thing that doesn't exist.]

If you are in search of a reason to ride Expedition Everest please ask Gabe before you go.  He can tell you every turn, small hill, big hill, when the track takes you backwards, when you get to the broken part [which, FYI, hasn't always looked like it does now....through his research he learned that the track has changed since the ride has been opened], and how long the ride lasts.  

He has even researched the Himalayas [or Himilayan as he says it] and he has decided that we need to go there as a family.  Every single mountain we see gets compared to Everest: 
Is Crowder's Mountain as tall as Everest?
We walked to the top of Kings Mountain.  That's as high as Everest right?
I bet Everest looks like Grandfather Mountain.

In fact, he can tell you all about the Matterhorn Ride at Disneyland [the west coast version of Expedition Everest] and he's never, ever been to Disneyland.

The boy is driving us nuts. [And it doesn't take much to make the semi-crazy a little crazier.]  Please do us a favor and DON'T ask him anything about his favorite Disney ride. [Or if you must just be prepared for a complete doctoral dissertation on Everest, the Himilayans, and the Yeti.  You've been warned.]

I am married to a man that is a marvel. 

He makes rocks. [Sometimes I think his head is full of rocks.  Sometimes I want to throw rocks at his head.  Sometimes he wants to throw rocks at my head.  Ours is a complicated love affair.]  

Rewind 10 years ago....he had the Summer of the Stones [and I don't mean Rolling] with 9 trips to the hospital [which ain't cheap], 2 rounds of lithotripsy [which is even less cheap than the hospital], and 3 surgeries [which by all accounts is the least cheapest of the aformentioned options].  This would also be the summer after Flossie was born and when Coop broke his arm. [That new surgery pavilion at CRMC?  Yep...the Shorties made that possible.]

We learned then that Craig's body makes stones.  Lots and lots of stones. 

He recently had a kidney stone. During the this ordeal we discovered that he also has a stone in his appendix. So let me get this straight...He has this useless tube in his body that has a useless stone trapped inside of it? What the heck?  The surgeon told us that he will, at some point in his life, have appendicitis so he might as well have his appendix removed.  So having it removed is what he'll be doing at the end of July.  [Do they chisel it out? Use a rock hammer? The doctor thought it fitting after the last surgery of 2004 to hand us the stones he took out...maybe we'll get this one too...we could display them.]

Bless him...he is really disgusted.  While this isn't life threatening [can I get an amen on that one] its right at the beginning of football season.  He will be out of commission for a few weeks at a time when he really needs to be able to participate in practice.  Say a prayer for him.

Ever just feel totally left out and you can't explain why?  In some ways, be excluded is OK.  I mean if you don't want me around then that is OK...it isn't about me and I shouldn't make it a big deal.  But in other ways, when you exclude my children and they recognize it then it bothers me.  I suspect that leaving them [us] out is never done intentionally but that is what keeps me wondering....I think it might be me.  [I truly am not saying any of this for anyone to feel sorry for me.  I'm a big girl and I can handle it if I am the reason for the exclusion.]

I have prayed about this situation.  I have asked God to help me let it go. There are so many other things in this life to worry about and at 41, being left out shouldn't be one of them. I just keep hanging on to tiny threads and slivers of guilt and frustration and that makes me mad at myself.  

I will be the first to tell you that I ain't perfect, [I know some of you are upset to read those words] that I've done some stupid things, and that I am weird [nerdy, geeky, quirky, etc.].  I do try. I want to fit in and I want to feel good about my place in this situation.  I just can't seem to figure it out and it bugs me. 

It bothers me for my kids. They are good kids [the best if you ask me] and I would hate for them to feel unwanted because of something I have done or haven't done.  I just wish I understood...that is the part that really bugs me. [Not tragic and I hope I don't sound like a whiner.  I'm not trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill. I promise.]  I am truly at a crossroads with this issue.  Please pray for me about this issue.

As always, even with strange obsessions and that stone-filled man of mine, life as a Shortie couldn't be better.  Happy Fourth of July!!

It All Started With A Mouse

We just returned from Disney World.  [Duh.  If you follow me, on any type of social media, you've seen a picture or 10.] What a glorious, fantastic time we had together.  

Disney World really is the happiest place on Earth.  Seriously.  The people that work there are just all smiles. [Well, unless you are riding one of the several morbid rides that are available like Haunted Mansion or Tower of Terror.  Then,  you question your choice because those are some creepy folks.]

Here is a brief long [but VERY detailed] account of our week at Disney [affectionately coined #ShortiesTakeDisney].

The trip down there was pretty interesting.  We [my sister and her family along with my 6] decided to stay in Savannah on Saturday and do some sightseeing. I am 100% sure 325,000 other people had the same thought.  Holy cow! There were people EVERYWHERE!  

Our first order of business nearly gave my husband a heart attack: parking in a parking deck.  Now, let me back up and tell you that we rented a larger vehicle for the ride [a 2015 Tahoe...I want one now] but we still had to use our roof bag.  We ended up parking in a deck in downtown Savannah.  

A deck with pipes hanging from the ceiling.  

A large SUV + a roof bag + pipes hanging down + 98 degree weather + 6 very tired people = one very stressed out Craig.

We didn't get stuck or knock the bag off of the top of the car [how neither of those things happened in a miracle...I promise] but we did create quite a ruckus in the deck.  We had a slew of very nervous onlookers that pointed and stared then covered their eyes.  All the while, inside the car, you could have [in the words of my husband] heard a mouse fart.  

No. One. Uttered. A. Word.

We finally found a parking spot [I am sure we were just one floor from hell itself after driving down...down....down forever] and in military precision all 6 of us unloaded the roof bag into the back seat. I am pretty sure not one Shortie said anything until we rode the elevator up to the street level [and even then we still weren't sure if the words would make the bear angry or not].

Everyone was hungry [that coupled with the fact that we nearly toppled a parking deck with our crap strapped to the top of the car] but no one wanted to make a decision on where to eat.  You know how that is...when you are visiting a place away from home you don't want to eat somewhere you can eat while at home. [Not you? OK.  We are just weird like that I guess.]  I don't like seafood so that nixed everything by the River Front [yes, it was all about me] so we ended up back on the main street.  We finally ended up at a pizza place, Piece of Pie, that served individual, made-to-order flatbread pizzas. 

Once again, with full stomachs, order was restored. 

After that, we took a ghost tour.  [Because graduation, a 4.5 hour ride, almost getting stuck in the parking deck, and wondering, aimlessly, looking for vittles for an hour wasn't enough punishment.]  While entertaining [and I use that word lightly] I pretty much stopped listening 15 minutes into the tour. Normally I really enjoy these tours but this one involved too much history.  Dude, no one cares. [And by no one I certainly mean myself.]  I just wanted him to bring on the spooky stories of the macabre.  I could've really care less who is buried under that big statue. Then came the rain.  We'd all been in the car forever, it was 9,000 degrees outside, we are walking around Savannah at 10pm and rain was falling.  I wanted to jump into the cemetery and ask the ghost to take me with them.  

Sunday we arrived in Florida.  The Shorties in my car were about to pee on themselves because EVERY road leads to Disney World. Every single road sign had some direction to Disney.  

Our tricked out Tahoe had on-board navigation which led us straight to a dirt road. 

WHAT?  We rented a house.  There were no houses on this dirt road.  

When I say immediately, I absolutely mean IMMEDIATELY [Like ASAP.  Like PDQ.  Get it?] Craig freaks out:

"This isn't right.  This isn't right.  What in the world? Where is the house?  We've been screwed."

Clearly one of two things happened:
A. We'd been taken and there was no house.
B. The GPS led us to a shortcut that wasn't really a shortcut.

Hmmmmmm....so let me tell you who the level headed member of the car was at this point [Hint: It wasn't the man driving.].

"This is a road that leads to the neighborhood but it looks, according to the map, that the GPS is trying to take us a on a shortcut.  Maybe we should just keep going and let it recalculate."

Crisis averted.  Thank you. No applause necessary.

Upon arriving at the gated neighborhood we find that the code won't get us in the gate. [And again, we find Craig freaking out.]  The clubhouse person buzzed us in and all was good. [Do you see a pattern here with Short?  I thought, at this point, we were going to need some serious drugs in order for him to have a good time.  Or for us to have a good time.]  

We finally got to the house and that is when the REAL fun began.  I do not lie when I say that it was hotter than 60 barrels of hell in this house.  Immediately [and again, I stress, as in ASAP] Craig goes to the thermostat to turn the temperature down.  He moves it three degrees and the AC kicks on then right back off.  [Not a good sign.]  Once we get everything in and begin to unpack the AC refuses to come on and stay on.  At this point, and I do not kid you, I honestly thought Craig was going to kill one of us in retribution for the stress that was caused by this trip after only 24 hours. [I hid in the bathroom because I know that crazed look in his eyes.]

In the meantime, Emma was reminding us every few minutes seconds that she was hot. [At this point, she became his target.] My parents arrived and yes, immediately noticed the distinct heat wave in the house.  We sent the kids out to the pool, the women went to buy groceries, and I prayed all the way that the air would just start working.

[Just a side note here for all of you wondering if Wal Marts all over America are the same. Yes. They are all the same. In fact, I am 100% sure that everyone in the state of Florida was in this particular Wal Mart with us, trying to buy groceries, at the same time.]

We arrived home to find a group of very hot men [and I mean sweaty] and still no AC.  At this point, a bonfire in the middle of the living room would've been cooler. Seriously.  

And then we noticed the clog in the kitchen sink.  The garbage disposal had something stuck inside it, preventing it from working.  My dad opened the dishwasher to find it full of what we could term "sewage water".  We thought that maybe if we tried to run the dishwasher that would help unclog the disposal side of the sink.  

Oh no.  Not a good idea.  Aside from the putrid smell of death coming from the kitchen now the last renters food and grease was swelling up in the sink.

Three times I called the emergency number and three times I left a message. 

No. One. Called. Back.

Here we had scrimped and saved to take our kids on this vacation and the house was falling apart.  Were we the Griswolds?  [I mean, I know we resembled the Beverly Hillbillies...without the money.] Craig and I truck it back to Wal Mart [at 11:30pm] and since I pay zero attention to any directions we end up driving about 20 miles to a Wal Mart that was further out than the one I just visited to buy a filter for the intake. [Never go anywhere with me unless you know where we are going.] Finally, around 1am, we had some AC. [And just knowing that the house might cool off allowed us to put up with the putrid smells in the kitchen a little while longer.]

Am I ever going to tell you about Disney?  

These two babies were absolutely precious the entire trip

Some highlights from our trip include....

• Gabe and Emma's first experience on a roller coaster was when we rode Expedition Everest.  I honestly didn't know little people could yell so loudly!
• Finding out that little people can yell louder when we rode the Tower of Terror then the Rockin' Roller Coaster.  [I really, really should be ashamed because we told them the Tower of Terror wasn't really bad.  I almost peed my pants.  Emma and Gabe were petrified.]
• My sister suggested they ride the carousel in the Magic Kingdom.  Gabe suggested he could ride that at the Shelby City Park.  Bless...
• It rained. EVERYDAY.  Not just that afternoon, 20-minute and done Florida rain.  No. Frog-strangling, downpours every single day. [And yes, we forged on.  Thunder and lightening be darned was said more than once.]
• Going to Disney is really a military exercise. [And for absolutely crazy people.  You have to be crazy.  There is no other explanation.]  We had a plan every day for what we were doing.  That doesn't mean it always worked [11 people going in the same direction...you can imagine....] but we planned. 
• Never follow 7 year olds.  Gabe and Emma somehow made their way to the front of our group and were leading us somewhere.  When asked why they chose that way Gabe responded with, "Why are you following a bunch of 7 year olds anyway?"  #truetweet
• Test Track was by far one of our favorite rides.  We only stood in line 90 minutes to ride it but well worth the wait.
• We enjoyed "boxing" in unsuspecting family members. [We are weird. Weird people do those kinds of things.]

• Laughter.  There was lots and lots and lots of laughter. 
• Our kids had a blast. An absolute BLAST.  

[Now this wouldn't be a blog post by me without some sarcasm.]

Things we would change or things we observed at Disney...

• People pushing double strollers and those in motorized wheel chairs can be pure evil. EVIL.
• If my kid cannot sit up, use the potty, or eat on their own I ain't dragging them to Disney World.
• Put up more Dole stands...BEST ICE CREAM EVER.
• Pure geniuses run this place.  Gather everyone in the park right on Main Street for the fireworks so they will shop.  Well played Disney, well played.
• People are crazy. [Us included.]  We stood, many times, close enough to touch other people we didn't know.  And for what? Pastries in France, the 7 Dwards Mine Train, to enter the Magic Kingdom right at opening, the tram [or trim as Gabe called it], anything and everything.
• Fastpasses are wonderful.  Not having a fastpass just sucked.
• Fantasmic [or Fantabulous or Fantasia as my dad called it] was awesome.
• There were not enough characters out walking around for the kids to see. 10 years ago we would see the characters out and about and get autographs. Now you have to get in line or use a fastpass or go at specific times with 8000 other people.  Come on Disney....we just paid out our life's savings to visit this "Happiest Place on Earth"...I think Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse can walk around a little more.
• We all want to move to France for the pastries and the crêpes [or creeps as Gabe called them].
• Craig will try on ANY hat.  All you have to do is ask.

• The Lion King Show smelled like sub sandwiches. I am not sure if the African grasslands smell like this but Disney must believe it does because every time that fog sprayed we were in a deli.
• The lap bars on Splash Mountain smell.  Bad.  [As in death.  Or rotting animal.]
• When you choose to visit Disney always go left.  No one goes left in the parks.  We had Fronteirland all to ourselves for about 30 minutes.  Go left. Trust me.

To say we had fun would be an understatement.  We had such an awesome time.  We are ready to go back. Soon.

As always, life as a Short is awesome.