My children drink a lot of milk and the stuff ain't cheap. I told Craig, "We should just buy a cow - that would have to be cheaper." Gabe's solution? "Just find a wizard [because there are several of those here in Cleveland County], get some magic beans like Jack did, grow a bean stalk, and get you a cow." I am seriously wondering if kindergarten is really ready for him.
Riding home yesterday, he told me that Jesus left us a check mark in the sky via the clouds [he didn't use the word via - that is my little embellishment] and then he told me that Jesus also left a door to Heaven in those same clouds. Saturday morning the boy was up with the chickens. Apparently he was Googling Jesus because I found it typed in the search on the tool bar. Simple yet so powerful. Thank you God for the innocence and sincerity of children.
I caught the tail end of the youth's session on the book of James. The youth pastor shared the following video and I found it overwhelmingly emotional. The words of her weight loss struggles pierced my heart. I could not stop the stinging tears of regret and frustration. I wanted to run away and leave all of this anger at myself laying right there in that chair. [My levees are broken, my walls have come tumbling down on me.] How did I get to be this person sitting in that chair? [The rain is falling.] Giving up is easier than standing up. [Defeat is calling.] And at that moment she said the one thing I needed to hear: I've never asked God to help me in this journey. I've never asked for his guidance. [I need you to set me free.] I want to be healthy. I want to be happy with who I am. [Take me far away from the battle. I need you.] I will never be that skinny girl from high school and I am OK with that but I know I have to stop this insane denial and get with it. [Shine on me.]
I try not to get overly emotional but honestly, the tears have come easily the last few days. [No, I am not with child but thanks for wondering.] There is lots in this crazy head of mind [except sanity and an affinity to remember the simple things] and I would definitely settle for a slow down right about now. Maybe Gabe can find me some of those magic beans...if only it were that simple.
If there is one thing [I am choosing to focus on one thing tonight....I know that there are MANY things I am not good at] I am not very good at it is praying. I pray, alot, and that is because it usually takes me ALL day to finish the prayer I start in the morning. I begin to pray and the next thing I know, I'm thinking about school and fixing dinner and how much money I need for the day and.....my thoughts wander. God just wants my undivided attention and I can't get the other "stuff" off my mind long enough to give that to him. I get so mad at myself [really, I believe I need some ADD medicine or something to help me focus on one task at a time because lately, I have the attention span of a gnat] so I pick up where I left off. It literally takes me all morning to pray sometimes. I suppose there isn't anything wrong with a constant attitude of prayer but mine is because I can't give God the time.
So what do I do? I really have wonderfully awesome days when I get up, early before EVERYONE in the house, fix a pot of coffee, and study my Bible. [If you've been with me lately then you know that ain't been happening.] Just me and God. I have so enjoyed being a part of a Bible study about the life of David and I have loved diving in the old testament to learn about David. I enjoy having the opportunity to not only read the good book but study scripture. Not having a regular sleep pattern [snore, hold my breath, snore, hold my breath, snore, hold my breath, roll over, snore louder, on and on and on...like a bad Lionel Richie song, "All Night Long"] is killing me ~ literally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Blah, blah, blah..."He that is good for excuses is seldom good for anything else," said Ben Franklin. The sleep doc is working on the sleep thing but I have to do my part in the mean time. If that means sucking it up, getting outta the bed 30 or 45 minutes earlier so that I make time for God then that is what I have to do. I keep a list of annoying excuses for no homework on my board at school yet I am making worst ones to myself and more. No more excuses for a lot of things that need to change with me. Those of you that know me [and hopefully love me a little] need to hold me accountable, keep my feet to the fire, and most of all, pray for me.
I borrowed the title of this post from one of Molly's friends. Last year, during DNow, their leader told them to talk to God like he is right there in the room while they are praying. Get personal when you pray. And be specific [not like, "I really want those new shoes or that Coach pocketbook] and don't be complacent by saying the same things every day [God knows when we are just recititing the same things over and over again out of habit]. I can do those things. I will do those things.
I am so very blessed and I've have to get out of this funk that I seem to be living under. I'm not a "go to work and complain" kind of person nor am I a "let me sit around and do nothing" girl but here lately, I've been both. I have nothing to complain about - absolutely nothing. I have the absolutely greatest children - in the ENTIRE world - and I am married to a wonderful, Godly man. I am part of an enormous family [in-laws, out-laws, and and everyone in between] that have done more for me than I could ever repay. So, get over it Missy....seriously.
As always, God was there - I am the one that moved. I will leave you with one of my favorite songs....
Hola mi amigos ~ long time no see!! [You didn't know I knew Spanglish did you?] To be honest, [Why is this phrase used so much? Really you are being honest? I think I'll start saying, "To tell you a completely fabricated and utterly riduculous lie....." because that sounds like a lot more fun] I've been struggling. I won't get into the ugly details but just know that surviving on a few hours of sleep each night has really taken it's toll on me. I decided that maybe a trip to the ol' sleep doc might be a good idea. As it turns out, I have a pretty moderate case of sleep apnea. Now I get to go back and spend the night in a doctor's office, with other strange people, hooked up to 1,578 wires that plug into a box that monitors my brain waves [yes, I have a brain], my heart, and my oxygen levels while I sleep with a Darth Vader like mask that forces air into the back of my throat....sounds like a barrel of monkeys now doesn't it? So I asked the good sleep doctor, "Why, at my age, after having no problems sleeping in my entire life, has this all of sudden become a problem?" [Wait for this incredily scientific answer....] "Well to be honest [there it goes again] Mrs. Short, we really have no idea." That is comforting....really. Should sleeping be this difficult? Isn't it like NATURAL to sleep?! Why, all of a sudden, have the muscles in the back of my throat decided to go on strike, rendering my ability to BREATHE null and void? "Yes, at one point your oxygen saturation plummetted to only 78%." It's a wonder I haven't walked to school naked [which would have been EXTREMELY unfortunate for anyone, even the blind, and very embarassing for my children] or fallen asleep while doing the laundry [which is another reason I don't do the laundry because that could be dangerous to fall asleep in a pile of dirty unmentionables]. Of course, two nights ago, I awoke several times, in sheer panic, that I was going to die in the middle of night - on the upside I caught up on 4 years of Friends episodes so all was OK. If I've been looking like a straight Zombie then you know why [and if you say its because of my make up I may punch you].
This is my last year in my 30s.....I will be 39 next Saturday. Thirty nine....three nine....39. That is 3 times the age of many of the kids that I teach...and older than some of their parents.....*)&@!#$% In this last year there are some things I would like to do...starting with SLEEP. Once I get the sleep thing under control then I have some things I have to do. Please, please, please keep me in your prayers. I've really got to get my health in check :)
We've been keeping it real [whatever that is] here at Casa de la Short [Spanglish!!]. The Gabester had a visit with the doctor on Tuesday for his Kindergarten check up and that was so much fun. Seriously, the boy is crazy. He asked for help reading the eye chart and told the nurse she hurt him last time she checked his height....all before we ever entered the room. He then let out a barrage of comments, questions, crazy thoughts that left zero doubts about our great parenting skills. Poor kid had to get 4 shots and didn't even cry....of course, he's drug his poor left leg around for two days like he was shot by a deer rifle. He's healthy, he's funny [as crap...that's what Cooper would say], and he's all mine :)
I had a crazy thought [I know that really just made some of you go, "Really?"] last night after a conversation with little bagger boy [Bag the groceries, Pa-Rum-Pa-Pum-Pum] at the grocery store. I was checking out and he asked me, "How did you get all of the groceries in that cart?" I wanted to reply, "Well I strategically measured each individual package and can's volume to make sure that the dimensions of the cart were exactly equal to the parking space on the last row on the eastern side of the parking lot...after I backed my car into the space with 5 inches on either side to the white line." What I really said was, "I just threw them in there...even the bread." [ I guess my intense lack of any lengthy explanation was not apparent enough] because then he said, "How many people are you feeding with all these groceries?" Does this kid get paid to be nosy or bag my groceries? Both is the correct answer. "There are 6 of us at my house....last time I looked anyway. Two of them eat for two, which makes two extra people, which puts us up to 8. Two eat like goats, which puts us up to 8 people and two goats. Plus, I cook dinner every night." Yep...you guessed it....he asked me, "What kind of job do you have that you can feed 6 people?" This kid is on a roll. "Well, we only let two of them eat at a time. This week it's the middle ones turn. Of course, the hubs and I eat every night" was what I was thinking. "We are both teachers." And yes, as if his knowing my shopping habits, kids names, weight at birth, and shoe size was not enough he asks, "What do you teach?" [I should have answered stoichiometry or sex education to transgendered youth or underwater basket weaving.] "I teach 8th grade science." [At this point I thought to myself that he was either stalling me because I was under arrest or I won like a bazillion dollars from Ingle's.] "What does your husband teach?" [I began to put my hands behind my back to make it easier for the cops to put the cuffs on my wrists becuase that millionth customer confetti was not falling..] "World history and he coaches." His response? I don't know...I stopped listening. Is eating really worth that kind of interrogation?
I promise not to wait so long to post next time. As always, sleepyheaded and all, it's great to be one of 6 Shorites :)
Emma was invited to a birthday party at the skating rink yesterday and as we were leaving I saw a student that is currrently in my class. I went over to say hello and it hit me that I really love teaching. [Strange place for that thought to occur I know but that is when it hit me.] I've thought a lot about this since yesterday and here are my thoughts: 1. Kids are funny. They will say and do [and usually believe] just about anything. 2. They get excited to see you in public ~ sometimes I think they believe you live at school...literally. 3. When they "get it" [which can be hit or miss...and that's generally my fault] it is amazing to see that proverbial lightbulb come on. 4. I am a smart alec [that one shocked you I know] and I love picking with them. I just got a Smartboard and I added some sounds to my bell work question. The sounds were just silly clips from movies and the kids got a kick out of it. 5. I am a nerd...and what better way to share my nerdiness that through being a science teacher. 6. I get to be out of school when my kids are out of school. 7. I believe this is exactly what God intended for my life.
As I am finishing up my 16th year of teaching [I know it is just now March but it will fly by] I am thankful for the ups and downs. I am thankful for the mentors and friends that I've made a long the way. I am thankful for students that have taught me way more than I could've ever taught them. I love it when kids that I've taught will tell me about making good grades in a specific class or remembering something I taught them. Those are the best rewards of my job. I am thankful for the grace and mercy shown to me by so many that have helped me become the teacher I am today. I still have a lot to learn and I don't always make the right decisions [now some of you are really upset to learn I am not as perfect as you thought] but I am willing to admit my mistakes, find the answers, and get better at what I'm doing. Best of all, I appreciate the many, undeserved blessings that God has given me through teaching :)
