Boating Mishaps and Moving Forward

Checking off things on my bucket list this weekend.

Adding a check to sinking a boat...

Some friends from church invited us on a trip to Lake Wylie for a relaxing afternoon.  We had a Bo Box, complete with chicken, fixins, and biscuits [we could've also been going to a NASCAR event] and a cooler full of drinks.  

We also had too much weight on the front of the boat.  [Did I mention that the boat didn't belong to any of us on the actual boat?]

We were talking, leisurely, about the sermon from church today...how we all live lavishly and don't even know it...when the front of the boat began to take on water.

A lot of water.  

Like over-the-rail-things-are-floating-we-might-be-sinking kind of water.

My thoughts immediately went to, "How am I going to save Emma and Gabe if we have to abandon ship?", followed closely by, "I hate the lake water because I can't see so maybe I'll hang on for dear life."  

Some quick thinking by Drew got us backed up and out of the water. 

Then we realized:  The cooler and the drinks were in the lake.

We could do several things:
A. Grab the cooler and leave the drinks. [Never, ever litter.  Never, ever, EVER leave diet Sundrops behind.] 
B. Use a net to gather the drinks. [We left the nets at the dock.  Lotta good they were doing us there.]
C. Jump in and get the drinks. [I didn't even volunteer.  I did, however, encourage the others to do so.  I needed a drink.]

Sarah graciously agreed to take on for the team and rescue our drinks.  

The same could not be said for the ice. [That's a joke.]

We continued on our merry way and had a rather uneventful but fun afternoon with good friends.  [And made mental notes that the next time we do this we will evenly distribute the weight on the boat.  And keep the cooler more secure. And keep the boat from sinking.]

I've had some thoughts rolling around in my head for a while. [Since there's not a lot else going on up there I hear that rolling quite a bit.  They want out.]

Growing older is tough on some folks. 

Some people do it gracefully [or at least their Facebooks indicate they are gracefully getting on up there] while others, like me, are struggling with being and "older" person.  I'm not that old at 41 but here lately, I've felt like I'm 141 [which I'm pretty sure isn't humanly possible but who knows].  

I've never thought of myself as old but the longer I teach middle school I am beginning to feel that way.  They talk about things that I have zero clue what they are even saying.  For instance, one of them asked me the other day if I knew what a "thot" was...that would be a no.  [I have since consulted Google. It's another word for hoe.  If I use it in a sentence I might say, "I used that a long handled thot to get the garden ready."  Oh....that hoe.]  

This generation can't write a complete sentence but they will make up words for words for words.  Brilliant.  I honestly cannot wait until they are running our country. 

I was talking in class about seeing something on Twitter.  A girl whips around and says, "You [implying me, the big, fat, old teacher] have a Twitter?"  Well yes.  I actually have two - one for me and one for my class.  Is it so unbelievable that I would have a Twitter?  

When we listen to music in my classroom I subject them to 80s hits.  Not simply because that is the BEST music around but also because I cannot stand to hear the music on the radio today.  [That does sound old womanish doesn't it?] I have quite an eclectic mix on my iTunes [Led Zepplin to Lecrae to Shinedown to Hillsong and lots in between] but I absolutely refuse to listen to music that promotes sex and degrades women [and any country song because they are all about mud, longnecks, dirt roads, and girls in short shorts]. 

For me, getting older has brought on a lot of looking inward and not much liking myself.  

I don't want to be fat.  
I don't want to be out of style. [I try desperately to NOT dress like a teacher.]
I don't want to have my own kids roll their eyes at me. [As if that's not going to happen.]

I am not going to share the details but will only say that I've been going through a rough season in my own personal life.  But slowly I am climbing back out and finding out that the good out there far outweighs the bad. 

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

My life is abundantly blessed and God has been overly gracious to me, despite me.  

There are so many things I still have yet to do.  This is and will be a glorious time...so many are denied the opportunity to get old...and I will be fine.  

[Soapbox time.]

I am REALLY bothered by something and I'm not sure how to deal with it.  My feelings are really hurt when it comes to my children.  I hate for them to get left out, especially by folks that are supposed to be some of their biggest supporters.  They aren't invited or asked.  Sometimes, events that are important to them and that they want others to be a part of aren't even acknowledged. 

I know that it isn't all about my children.  My world does revolve around them but it is supposed to since I'm mom.  I don't expect it to always be about them. But many times, when my children have asked for support in celebrating big things in their lives, they've been ignored.  Or, when there are opportunities to include them, they aren't invited.  

I have prayed about this issue for a while.  

I will continue to pray about it and ask God to specifically remove these feelings of resentment I feel.  [I always say that if you don't want to see 7 different kinds of crazy then don't mess with my kids.] 

[Soapbox moment over.]

As always, life as a Short is awesome!    

But I Already Took My Bra Off!!

OK ladies. I know you can relate.

It's been a long day at work.  You are tired.  Your feet hurt.

You take off your bra and the day goes with it.  

[Some of you just said, "Wait a minute...seriously? Is she talkin' about her undergarments?" Yes. Yes I am.]

The other night, Craig wanted me to run to the store [probably for some cookies or something else to add pounds to my thunder thighs....I think he's trying to put me on Biggest Loser or The Victoria's Secret Models You'll Never See Christmas Special] and my answer was simply, "I already took my bra off. Sorry."  For some reason that response made him laugh, hysterically.  In fact, he found it so funny that he told me today I should write a book with the title, But I Already Took My Bra Off.  [I am 99.9% sure it would be a best seller.]  

So there you have it people.  Now you know what happens at Casa de la Shortie. 

That, my friends, is why you always call before you come to my house.

Weenie Bandit

There is a weenie bandit alive and kicking in Kings Mountain.  We have experienced this bandit here at our house. [I promise I am telling the truth.] 

Back in May, Short and I had the entire family over for Mother's Day.  [When I say entire family then I mean aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.  You know how rednecks are about Momma.]  Before everyone came over we worked like dogs to clean up our yard. We bought and put out about 10 scoops of mulch. [This was one of the days where  we were especially thankful that Coop is a manchild.  We expected big things from him - he delivered.  We feed him...A LOT so he owed us.]  

As we were moving mulch near the side of the house, we saw it.  

A weenie. A cooked hotdog sitting precariously on our AC unit.  

Craig saw it first...."Why is there a hotdog on our AC?" My answer? [Sarcasm inserted.]  "Hmmmm...well Craig, we were going to have hotdogs for dinner but then I decided to leave them on the AC."  Why in the heck would I know why a wayward, ant-covered Ball Park frank would be laying on our air conditioner? 

Yesterday, the bandit struck again.  

Molly, Emma, and I were leaving the house [at an obscene hour on a Saturday morning after a really late Friday night] to head to SC for a little fastpitch softball when we saw it.

The weenie was mocking us, sitting by our mailbox [which, incidentally, is still being help up by duct tape after some ding dong decided to plow it over a few weeks ago...we choose not to hide our brand of redneck] as we pulled out of the driveway.  This one did not appear to be the mild Ball Park we happened upon back in May.  

This one was red. A red hot dog, sitting at the end of my driveway.  

I am not sure if someone is trying to drop us a hint [or perhaps a snack] but what are the chances that a person finds not one but two cooked weenies outside of their home unless they are having a cookout? 

Our grill doesn't even work.  

We had BBQ at our last cookout.  

I mean, back in my day [that is a classic old person line], we used toilet paper in people's yards but I don't ever remember going to "weenie" a yard. [I do remember some weenies that deserved to have their yards rolled but that is whole 'nother post.]  I guess times have changed. [Or perhaps there are weird folks that think dropping hotdogs in my yard is cool.  You never know these days.  I teach 8th grade.  I know weirdos.]  

As always, life as a Short [even after being hit by the elusive Weenie Bandit] is awesome.

Say it Ain't So, Fat 30s, and Haskets

I have done it. 

I broke up with my love.
 
It was time we parted ways. 

This relationship was going no where. [Except my waist.]

That is correct ~ I am no longer a drinker.

I gave up Diet Sundrop. Say it AIN'T so!!!  That's correct ladies and gentlemen....it is over....for a lot of reasons:
1. I am doing a Bible study on my new Nexus tablet [given to me by my favorite coach ♥ and the Shorties] about fasting on something that takes away from my focus on my walk with Christ. [Some of you are shaken the noggin' right now....stay with me.]  The study suggest that I give up something that cost me money and then give what I would have spent in those three weeks to honor Christ.  [I am thinking in 3 weeks I could have $300 or so.  Seriously.]
2. What a waste of money. Those things are ridiculous on the pocketbook. [And let's be honest ('cause no one likes a liar) the Shorties could use some moolah these days.]
3. I am not getting any younger. [Trust me, Gabe reminds me, DAILY about how old I am getting. Thanks Gabe.]
So there you have it.  The affair is out and it is over.  Wonder if I'll make headline news like that Broadwell chick and Petraeus?  I'll keep you posted....

My 30s were, well, [for lack of a better word] FAT for me.  Just fat.  I've been the fattest I've EVER been in my life for the past decade.  Time for that to end. [Notice this is not a love affair like Diet Sundrop and me. F-A-T I hate you. Sincerely hate you.] 10 years have been spent trying to squeeze into my clothes.  10 years spent not liking what I see in the mirror.  10 years of F-A-T.  No more. I do not like thinking that I didn't go to my 20 year reunion because I was too F-A-T and embarassed. I am not going to spend the next 10 years being the fat girl, having a hard time finding clothes, and feeling embarassed in EVERY single picture that is taken of me.  I've started off pretty good - been running since October and trying to really watch what I eat [sometimes that has included watching Peppermint Patties and ice cream going in my mouth...] - so hopefully that will pay off.  Of course, in typical I-Am-Male-Just-Let-Me-Mutter-Weight-Loss-And-AUTOMATICALLY-Lose-25-Pounds fashion my favorite coach has already lost about three times what I've lost [no, no....I'm not a bit jealous....*$#@*&^%]. So here's to you, Fat 30s....be gone!!

In other Shortie adventures we had a fantastically awesome and blessed Christmas.  As always, all the time, God was so good to all of us.  [I ain't talkin' about the gifts.]  He gave us time with family and friends.  He kept us safe.  My Jesus #ROCKS!  

We did have to visit the funeral home and, in Gabe fashion, it turned out funnier than we expected.  I anticipated some questions [this ain't my first rodeo] from the militant midget so I tried to explain some things upfront.  I told him about the casket, about the flowers, about seeing the person in the casket and that he didn't have to look.  I explained that we would go through and look and then tell the family that we were sorry for their loss. 

I should have known with the first question:
Gabe: What did they lose?
Me: Their mommy and grandmother.
Gabe: Well where did she go?
Me: Well her body stayed here but her soul is with Jesus.  She is alive with Jesus.
Gabe: Without her body?  
Me [changing the subject]: What do you want for Christmas Gabe?

Later, just before entering the family room, I get this question:
Gabe: So just what do they do with that hasket? [Thank goodness I am well-versed in Gabenese and knew he meant casket.]
Me: What do you mean what do they do with it?
Gabe: Well do they just take it back outside for someone else to use next?
Me: No.  Remember visiting the cemetaries in Washington, DC?  They take the haskets, I mean caskets, to the cemetaries and bury them.
Gabe: Oh. That makes sense.

And finally, after entering the family room, he spotted the casket and his eyes got huge as he grabbed my hand:
Gabe: Where are her legs?  Did they cut them off?!
Me: No baby, they just open the top of the has- casket so you can tell her goodbye.  He legs are in the bottom part.
Gabe: Thank goodness!

If you are looking for sophistication and what-not you ain't gonna get it here.  This is just plain, honest [usually irrreverent] truth from the mouth of my babes. 

On a serious note, please keep Scotty Hill in your prayers. He is a current student who is battling stage 4 cancer.  He is fighting this beast already and I know that God is firmly holding Scotty and his family in His mighty hands.  Pray for continued support of the family, for Scotty to be able to eat and overcome  sickness, and for wisdom of the doctors that are treating Scotty.

On the flip side, a former student [and one of my all-time favorite people - EVER] Mr. Jay Robinson got a great report from his recent MRI.  He was diagnosed as a fifth grader with a brain stem tumor and has endured surgeries, radiation, and the effects of radiation.  He found out, just before Christmas, that the tumor is stable, looks smaller, and that he is in good shape to continue being awesome!  Jeremiah 29:11 says that Jesus has a hope and a future for us. For Me. For you. For Scotty. For Jay!  Love ya Jaybird!!

As always, life as a Shortie, is awesome!  Thanks for reading!