Grace

I have never, ever claimed that my kids are perfect.  Never. I won't start now. 

I have said..

• they are good kids.
• my kids love the Lord.
• for the most part, they try to keep themselves out of trouble. [Well, the first three do.  Gabe looks for trouble. He loves trouble. Trouble is his best friend sometimes.]

But, they are still humans....with faults and selfish behaviors and irritating habits [that all come from their dad].

And like me and you and everyone that I have ever encountered in my life, they make mistakes.

Some are just minor. 
Some are not.

Just like me and you and everyone else in the world.

I can promise you that we expect integrity, honesty, and good character from all four of them.

We are not perfect parents. [Seriously, that may come as a shock to some of you.]

I tend to see things through mom goggles. [My kids and my favorite coach tend to tell me that a lot.  I see nothing wrong with looking on the sunny side....]  

I especially view my own children through these said goggles.  I don't want to think they might make a mistake that would hurt them.

But because we are all human, they do some monumentally stupid things.  

And the goggles have to come off. [And, according to them, the smoke flies from my ears, my voice changes, and I speak in rapid spurts of "mom talk".  I don't see it.  I don't think it happens.]

One thing I have learned in this career of being Ma is that all situations are not the same. 
Some call for hugs and tears. [Sometimes a little from me and a lot from one of them or vice versa.]
Some call for lots of "I told you so". [As a parent there are some small victories in mistakes.]
Some call for moments to count to 10...alone. [Or 20. Or 100.]
And some just call for brutal honesty. [That's when you step on the mom goggles and smash them to bits.]

Yet they all have one thing in common....grace.

Honestly, I would not be the person I am today if my mom and dad hadn't done a little of all of those as I was growing up. But I certainly wouldn't be me without lots and lots and LOTS of grace.  Many times [in the past and the present], I didn't [don't] get the punishment I deserve when I've screwed [screw] up.

None of us do.

In a conversation with one of the Shorties the other night, my favorite coach and I tried to stress the importance of sincere humility. 

Not haughty humility that allows a person to get what they want and reeks of insincerity.  

True, on your face, asking-God-first-then-those-whom-you-have-wronged, honest, sincere humility to ask forgiveness for hurting others.

And yes, there are going to be LOTS of people that won't understand and will do whatever they can possibly do to pick you apart, to kick you while you are down, and to throw stones. [And, yes, this Ma got a little upset when a Tweet relating to this matter by a person who only knows how to throw punches came her way...something to the effect of "116 and all, dang" as in reference to Romans 1:16 which is used by one of my children on social media quite frequently. And this Ma had to consider the source and remind herself of what people do when they forget that grace has been afforded to them.  And she had to be gracious. You have to practice what you preach or the words are just that...words.  However, it doesn't hurt to just hit the block on some folks that want to be mean.  If I am doing what God is asking then I have to extend grace. I don't have to read mean girl Tweets.] In the end, the only thing that matters is that you are in line with God.  The world doesn't have to like you...it has nothing for believers anyway.

We have a God who loves us for us.

He wants the best for us even when we fall short...and we will fall short.

He meets us where we are and takes us where we never thought we could go.

And, in our time of need and always, when we don't deserve it,  we will find His grace.

Hard and Holy

I took my girls to see War Room on Saturday. 

We laughed. [At the movie and when a woman fell on us trying to get out of the row.  I don't care who you are, when its dark and you hold a stranger's fanny in your hand, you laugh because its all you can do.]

I cried. [Molly cried a little bit but I cried like a straight baby.]

The whole movie got me thinking about the above quote by Ann Voskamp [hand lettering by none other than Molly].  

Hard and Holy.

In the movie [I won't spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it yet] the main character, Elizabeth, figures out that saving her family has less to do with her and more to do with God's grace and mercy.  

She vows to fight...
for her family.
for her marriage.
for herself.

Hard and Holy.

At the end of the movie [again, I am not spoiling it for anyone] a powerful scene depicts another main character, Miss Clara, on her knees, praying for God to raise up a nation of believers. She is praying in ernest and out loud.

Hard and Holy.

What if I, as a Christian woman, began to really pray for the things that really matter in my life?  What if I stop spending my time learning about make up techniques [which I have recently become obsessed with since old age and gravity are hitting me like a TON of wrinkly bricks], pinning [some useful but mostly not so useful...I have over 6500 things pinned...holy cow] stuff on Pinterest, and trolling Facebook [which is the biggest waste of time in human existence...well besides The Bachelor and middle school drama]?  What could I do with that time? That effort? 

Hard and Holy.

I can focus on the things that will matter for eternity.

2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people who are called by name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

I am ashamed to say that my prayer life is sort of like Emma's room...stuff is all over the place.  I have a journal [that my favorite coach and assistant principal bought me] but I rarely use it [my only excuse is that I am lazy]. I pray but not as I should pray.  I allow everything else to get in the way...mostly me.  

Hard and Holy.

There are enough people out there giving advice [and political rants and TMI and sharing drama] on social media.  There are enough women spending time tearing other women down with gossip and whispers and judgement.  There are enough men that aren't stepping up to be the Spiritual leaders in their family [thank goodness I was raised by one and am married to one].  

Hard and Holy.

Pray without ceasing. 

I Thessalonians 5:17

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us form all unrighteousness. 

I John 1:9

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: you have enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy on me, and hear my prayer. 

Psalms 4:1

Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. 

Psalm 118:5

Let us all rise up for what is Hard and Holy.

Unconditional(ly)

I am not sure why I allow things to bother me so very much.  Many times the things that bother me are way beyond my control and just not worth the ounce of thought [as in an intervention is needed].  

This [follow this link] is one of those things.

According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary unconditional means not limited in any way; complete and absolute.

So many times doing something unconditionally [like loving someone, helping someone, working, etc.] means we [*pointing finger directly at my own self*] must look past our own motives, desires, and selfishness.

We accept people for who they are and not for who we would like [or choose] for them to be.  For relationships to happen, people [*still pointing at me'self] must be willing to put aside petty issues and see each other as people who are not perfect. 

Molly said it so eloquently last week in her Upwards testimony...we must be Jesus.

I am speaking completely honestly [as I try to do here] in saying that I know I haven't done that in this situation. 
I've prayed about it. 
I've written in my journal about it.  
I've talked to Craig about it.

But, I haven't just been Jesus.  

I haven't tried looking past my own hurt feelings. 

I've had a lot of time to think about things [February's been a rather sloooooowww month for me].  

[Stay with me...this is going to connect...eventually.]  Last night I painted a vase.  I've recently become very interested obsessed with chalk paint and refinishing furniture to make it look antiqued or worn.  I bought some vases at Goodwill for about $5 total and I worked on worn for several days.  [Side note: I am not extremely crafty.  I usually mess up and definitely make a mess. I'm learning.]  

I snapped a picture [because doesn't EVERY single detail of our lives have to be pictured, cataloged, Intsagramed, Facebooked, and end up in cyberspace FOREVER and EVER??] to share on social media. 

As I looked at the vase, sitting up on my mantel, it made me think of myself

• flaws [Lord knows I have too many to name in all areas of my life...]
• stained
• refinished
• changed
• meant for something different [Not of this world.]
• a greater purpose [God is revealing so many things to me.]
• scarred [Not just physical, like the recent surgery, put allowing my past stupidity to define me sometimes.]
• distressed [Stress is always there no matter what word you use.]
• something new 

I am not perfect.

I make lots of mistakes [on the daily].

But, just like the vase, I am a work in progress.  I've made mistakes but those mistakes don't define me.  

I cannot make others like me and that is OK. 

I cannot make others see my point of view and that is OK.

Honestly speaking, I am not going to give another thought to those who have consumed so much of my time the last few months.

As I learned in church this morning, I need to be work on pouring myself into God's word so I can pour myself into doing God's work.  I cannot do that if I am wasting [and I honestly do mean wasting] time worrying about this situation, talking about this situation, getting caught up in this situation.  

Most of all, this is taking time away that I can be Jesus.

Thank you God for reality checks.