Monday, April 16, 2012

And I Quote

I am a people watcher [weird I know but that's me] and I love to listen to random bits of conversation [I know...that is even more weird and creepy. I'm not a stalker...].  I wouldn't call it evesdropping as much as I just happen upon someone talking and I pay attention as I walk past them in Wal-Mart [great place to people watch], the grocery store, the ball field, etc. It's funny what we think when we hear random bits of information, out of context sometimes, and not meant for us to hear.
Overheard in the hall at school before break:
Boy 1 [talking to another boy]: Get your hand out of my pants Johnny! [As always, names are changed to protect the innocent...or extremely embarassed.]
Boy 2 [dumfounded that about 30 people just thought he had his hand down another boy's pants]: I hate you.

Overheard at the ballfield:
Person #1 talking to KM fan #1: She had to go to the hospital because her foot touched a leaf.
Person #2 [which happens to be me] ask KM Fan #2: What kind of leaf sends you to the hospital?
[And what actually happened is she had to go to the hospital because she had an allergic reaction to Aleve....which makes way more sense...]

Witnessed at a Shoney's [yes fine dining was always on our radar when on vacation] in Daytona Beach a million moons ago:
Waitress: Do you want soup or salad?
My sister: Well if the salad is that good I'll have that! [She thought the waitress asked if she wanted a SUPER salad.]

Overheard at a table next to us at an IHOP [not sure if that is a step up or back from Shoney's] on the way back from a weekend football game at UT:
Man: You know, when I was stationed in California we used to eat at a place like this but it was called something else.
Woman: I remember.  It wasn't called IHOP.  It was called the International House of Pancakes.
[Now Craig and I have just had to turn our heads because they were serious.]
Man: Yes you are right.  But they look just like this place.
Woman: I know!

Said in my own house one time:
Me to Craig: Put this back in the refrigerator.
Craig to Me: Did you tell me this was a turd burglar?
[Seriously Craig?  Why would I use the word "turd" when pointing to the fridge?]

So your assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to really pay attention the next time you are around lots of people - Wal-Mart [you will NOT be disappointed], the flea market [bahahahahahahaha!!!], the hallways of any middle school in America, your local grocery store, or just anywhere there are lots of people.  It's fun and you just never know what you might hear....
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Saturday, April 14, 2012

You Have No Idea

I read, somewhere, this week the following quote:

Be nice to everyone you meet - you never know what they are going through.

When someone tells me to not get involved in teenage drama [which is very true] then maybe they should have been walking in my shoes about 10 days ago...when my world was rocked.  Allow me to explain [which I will do whether or not you say yes 'cause its my blog and I can] where I'm going with this...

I agree - teenage drama should not be for parent involvement. Let them grow up and defend themselves.  I live with them. I teach them. I am involved with the youth at church.  I am well aware that kids [mine included] have to grow up to learning how to deal with conflicts, heartbreak, and disappointments.  I try my best not to always put my 2 cents in when they have issues [it ain't easy] and I try to be the sounding board when they want to vent or just talk.  I think that is my job.  No, I am not the perfect mom [sorry to those or you ready with my trophy] and I am very protective [maybe slightly over-protective...if slightly means alot]. My kids aren't perfect either and sometimes I wonder if their brains are actually functioning. [Have you met Gabe and Emma? Just kidding. No, seriously.] I really get all of that - I understand.  My parents didn't walk me down the primrose path, holding my hand and I am a better person because they allowed me to make and then learn from my mistakes.

However, don't mess with my kids[It means exactly what it says.]  That isn't getting into drama but protecting my kids from things that may turn into monumental, life-altering, no do-over kinds of decisions. [Disclaimer:  The following is a rant I've saved for a perfect time - now is that time.  Twitter and Facebook can be and are both used in the most vile ways by many teens and young adults (even some old adults).  If you are a parent of a kid old enough to use these then get off your "Little Johnny Needs His Space" of "I Don't Know How to Use That Facebook/Twitter Stuff" rearend and wake up!!  Now I do not mean to go all "Tipper Gore" on you but if you aren't smart enough to check behind your kids then you need a good swift kick in the butt.  Pay attention to your kids and the crap others are posting for your kids to see - it can be BAD....very BAD.  In my opinion (which counts for zip these days) you are CRAZY if you don't check behind them to see what they are posting and see what they are reading.  I told you I'd been saving up.  Call me crazy (won't be the first time) but I refuse to lose my children to hashtags, status updates, and tagged pictures that are not acceptable.]  Ten days ago I may not have been so "defensive" or may have reacted differently but now I realize mean people that say things to the sometimes irrational and emotional young person can have serious implications.  Some people have no idea.  Some people have no clue.  Some people can't even begin to understand. 

Again, thanks be to God for interevening in a number of ways. First, for diffusing the issue and making sure all involved used good judgement, talked it out, and mended fences.  Sometimes hurt feelings and speculation spark issues that are not really issues.  Secondly [and most important...for me anyway], thanks to God for pointing me back to the book of James.  I needed to read it.  I will probably read it again - like tomorrrow morning.  Grace and mercy.
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Thursday, April 12, 2012

Mrs. Darth Vader

For years [let me reiterate - years] I have picked on Craig's "mask".  He calls it the mask that gives him life.  I've called it Darth Vader's mask since he's had it. [And many nights he will roll over and the vent will blow air in my face. How would you like a puff of air meeting your face at 3am?]  I've made fun of him for putting it on when it is time for bed then trying to talk to me.  It sounds like someone is clamping his nose when he's talking. 

Today....I get my own sleep machine.  I will have my very own Darth Vader mask. [That's Mrs. Darth Vader to you.]  Mine is a little different than Craig's - it has a pink strap and fits under my nose instead of over my face.  I am severely claustrophobic.  I don't like the dark, elevators, or tiny spaces.  While visiting the USS Yorktown in Charleston I tried to go through the submarine that is on sight - not a good idea.  As soon as I descended the steps I felt my lungs begin to collapse [not really but it sounds better than I was about to pee on myself] and knocked a very large man out of the way to get back up the steps.  I have had panic attacks in these kinds of spaces and its slightly embarassing.  So, I told the good sleep doctor that the mask was OUT.  We compromised on this nice little under the nose deal. Not going to lie, though, the night I had to stay at the clinic and wear it I found myself almost hyperventilating [and I immediately regretted making fun of Craig all those years]

Poor 3am when he comes to our room he usually comes to my side of the bed because the mask scares him....I guess he'll be waking up Molly or Cooper. [I should have thought of this years ago...] 

I have to recant something I said in my last post about Grandma Hoyt's.  Turns out, they do sell some healthy stuff....apparently the Ranch dressing is made of yogurt and they do serve fruits and vegetables that are not deep fried. But really?  Who is waking up and saying, "Hey, I'd love a salad from Grandma Hoyt's today!" That's right - no one.  We are going there to eat the good stuff :)

As always, life as a Short [aka the Vaders] is awesome!!
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Monday, April 9, 2012

I-85/321 Adventures

Our children have been asking us to take them to the flea market [or trade lot as Short calls it].  We have yet to figure out why they wanted to go.....and still we obliged and took them.  Our morning began in Bessemer City [it cannot get any better now can it?] at a quaint little eatery called Grandma Hoyt's.  And for those you wondering, there is not a light menu, fruit, or milk [unless it's in the gravy].  This is grade A, first class, stop-your-heart-in-mid-beat, fried food.  I am fairly certain that Coop ate about 5 plates - he was definitely in heaven. 

We rolled ourselves out the door and headed to Dallas. [And just think? We didn't even plan a vacation for spring break.] We wanted the kids to have the full G-town flea market experience so we parked in the back and started with building K - the furniture building.  My first big find of the day?  Camouflage living room furniture. [I wept inside considering I just bought furniture....] 

We made our way through the various buildings to find goats, chickens, roosters [and Gabe really wanted one], rabbits, "name-brand" handbags, many tables of unmentionables [and might I mention it was slightly creepy], computers, jewelry, and socks....and all of this was at ONE TABLE.  [Not really but it might as well have been at one table.]  We found tools, soap, clothes, shrimp [in large, unmarked coolers, on ice...I'm guessing from the "local" ocean or shrimp farm], ceramic "stuff", "brand-name" shoes, lingerie [NOT KIDDING], and dishes.  We also came across an enormous display of knives, machetes, shields [didn't realize anyone needed shields anymore], throwing stars, brass knuckles, and bongs made from various items. 

There were even stands to buy nachos, burgers, and other flea market food.  We saw several people partaking of  gigantic hamburgers or nachos with jalapenos.  Now that would have been fantastic except for one thing - it was only 9am!  Now I like a good, greasy hamburger but I draw the line at buying a flea market special before noon [well, really anytime....].  Needless to say, it was way more than gross.

All in all, it was an adventure.  We didn't leave without buying something. [No, we didn't come home with bras, bongs, or "brand-name" stuff.] We ordered a handcrafted porch swing and two rockers for our front porch.  Not a bad morning with the family :)

I would like to say thanks for those of you that have prayed for us and continue to pray.  We are doing great and feel your prayers. 

The Shorties showing off their Easter duds! 
Each of them ended up with some kind of blue and it wasn't planned!
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Thursday, April 5, 2012

On My Knees and Thankful

Tonight's post will be emotional [for me anyway] and one that I never intended to pen.  I am not going to share all the details because there is a level of privacy for everyone involved.  The Shorties are OK - I can promise you that with 100% certainty.

I figured out yesterday that the saying, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice" is absolutely true.   Being knocked to your knees and not knowing how to stand again on firm ground can force you to re-evaluate everything. 

I am a strong believer in God's divine interventions in our lives....the people and ideas that He puts in our paths to help us along life's way.  While on my knees, looking for the will to make my lungs inflate and breathe, I knew that the actions that brought me to that point were not coincidental...they were in fact miraculous....and only something that God could have done for me and for my family. 

He picked us up, He wiped our tears, and He reminded us that He is in control.  He kept us safe and saved us from ourselves.  He never left the side of the one that needed him the most....the one that thought all was hopeless.  He intervened....He comforted...He whispered in my ear, at the lowest point in my life, that He would always be there.  He is my King.

We covet your prayers.  We want you to know that prayers are being felt.  As mom of the Shortie clan I also ask that you respect our privacy and know that while we appreciate your concern it is a family matter. If you ask us please don't get offended if we don't share it but just simply say, "Thanks for asking."

As always, life as a Shortie, is really awesome :) 


Monday, April 2, 2012

Secure With His Manhood and Other Race Day Tales

For the third year in a row I walked in the Cooper River Bridge Run...with 43,999 other people.   Now the race is a 10k [for those of you not into the racing lingo then let me 'splain - that is 6.2 miles....over a ginormous bridge....that I paid to trudge over] but I think we [being my sister and several other friends] actually ended up walking about 10 miles by the end of the race.  You see, the cities of Charleston and Mount Pleasant are not that big so they had great difficulty handling these extra 44,000 so we had to walk a country mile [or five but who's counting?] to actually get to the start of the race.  Seriously, we ended up on a side street at the mile mark of the race route.  Several of the following thoughts ran through my head at this moment:
1. I could hang here and just "join" the race after mile 1.
2. I could hang in one of those 44,000 Port-O-John's located in the area. [However, considering I absolutely HATE public restrooms and these stinky boxes o'poo classify as one step close to death so that idea left as quickly as it came into my sick, twisted head.]
3. I could walk back to the car, stretch out and sleep while everyone else drags themselves over the Arthur J. Ravenel Bridge.
4. Just stop whining you big baby.
According to my aching calves, "Unfortunately, number 4 won out." 

The race officials corralled us [yes, like animals] into sections according to our letters on our race bibs.  The ultra racers [aka Kenyans, Ethopians, and Crazies] wereway in the front - like about 3/4 of a mile from the point where people like me were standing to begin the race.  What letter was I?  [I thought you'd never ask!]  I was in corral  J - which actually stands for, "Jesus just let me get over this bridge without dying!"  You think I am kidding but I actually had a long talk with the good Lord about a lot of things while I waited the TWO hours for the race to begin.  I had my iPod in the whole time, sort of oblivious to everyone around me when I turn around to Gene Simmons dressed as a skeleton or, as I affectionately coined him, Scary Man with Spandex Suit.  I was a little embarrassed over the fact that I didn't wash my hair on Saturday morning and this man was bearing it all for Charleston to see.  Is it sad that I actually wanted to see him run in that suit? 

Once the race began [sometime Sunday morning I think] I knew that the only reason I wanted to finish was to get an orange.  Yes, an orange.  Bi-Lo is a major sponsor of the bridge run and they always have these huge, delicious oranges after the race.  My plan was to conquer this bridge [if by conquer you simply mean get over it before work on Monday morning without dying] so that I could get an orange.  I started praying, jamming to my iPod, and thinking about those oranges.  I didn't stop, not one time, because I wanted an orange [plus, I knew if I stopped then someone would be carrying me over that bridge].  The race ended [and I was still breathing and with a pulse], my 3 hour [the majority spent waiting for the race to begin...I'm not that slow] prayer time came to an end with me thanking God for the ability to walk 6.2 miles, and my quest to secure an orange began.  I saw people with oranges, I saw loads of orange peels, and I could smell the oranges.  I made it to the Bi-Lo table o' food to find......NO MORE ORANGES!!  What?  I want my money back!!!  No only were all the oranges gone but the bananas were also gone and the only muffins left were lemon poppy seed [which might as well be sand in a muffin - those seeds are nasty].  At that moment I realized that I was incredibly thirsty and guess what?  NO MORE WATER!  Are you kidding me?  What was worse was the fact that there were MANY people wandering around who DID NOT run/walk/saunter/sprint or even think about the bridge run and they were carrying ORANGES and WATER!!  I will be honest, at this point, after walking 2 miles to the "corral", being subjected to seeing Gene "Spandex" Simmons, booking it for 6.2 miles, then walking another 1/2 mile to find oranges and water only to find them rouged by greedy non-racers I was really considering hitting someone. 

After meeting up with folks riding back with us we got on the buses that would take us back to Summer's car.  Another false claim like the oranges and water....that bus clearly passed right by where we parked [which was a mere TWO miles from the starting point] and kept on going.  I am fairly certain, when it stopped, we walked from Jacksonville, FL back to our car.  Holy cow Batman!  Seriously, when a person just walked all that way, from one town to the next, up a huge bridge, loses out on oranges, and then has to walk 14 miles back to their car they can be slightly ill...glad that wasn't me.  We got lucky ~ the part of our group that finished way before me had made it to their car, called us, and took us back to our car. 

All in all, [even though the orange thing didn't go as planned], I still had quite the adventure.  I spent some quality time with my little sister.  We rarely have the opportunity to hang out together so it was great fun.  She took me to P.F.Chang's for dinner on Saturday night and it was really good.  We laughed, talked, and laughed some more.  I love my sister ♥

It's always nice to go out of town but I was happy to get home to see the Shorties :)  As always, life is good ♥
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