Sweet Victory

There isn't much better than knowing you've set a goal and achieved it. [Well, maybe cheesecake.]  

Back in November I went to the doctor and I weighed significantly more than I did after a visit in October.  

Actually, I weighed the most I've EVER weighed.  In my whole life. Like even more than I did during all 4 pregnancies.

I remember just being discouraged [probably as I shoved a swiss cake roll into my mouth and chased it with a Reese's cup] and just feeling like I wanted to give up. 

Just. Give. Up.

Immediately, my first thought was to blame it all on other things [and not the fact that I could almost eat Craig under the table...on a bad day.]

We are too busy.

I have 4 kids. I don't have time to exercise.

I don't have many pleasures in this life so please don't ask me to put down the cookie.

I can be fat and happy.

What I didn't want to face was the fact that I was doing terrible things to my body.  I was using food and self pity to fight some bigger issues.  

I didn't like me very much.  

Its really hard to be mom and wife and daughter and sister and coworker and friend when you don't like yourself very much.  

I didn't share any of this with anyone but Craig.  When you are feeling lonely and less than worthy then it seems like a chore to just be social.  Days and days went by with me fighting to get out of bed and get dressed [looking just a step above homeless] and go to work.

Finally, I listened. 

And not just to the doctor.

You are altogether beautiful; there is no flaw in you.

Song of Solomon 4:7

He can do immeasureably more than we could ever hope or imagine.

Ephesians 3:20

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.

Exodus 14:14

Slowly [and let me emphasize S-L-O-W-L-Y]  I began to move [away from the refrigerator].  I started to really pay attention to what I was eating. I made a decision to eat things that were good for me. 

And pound by pound [and some days minute by minute] I found myself. 

Tonight, I completed my first 5K in three years.  I ran it in 48 minutes. 
[Honestly I could have run it maybe in 40 minutes but when you are a mom you leave no kid behind.  Emma and I were in this together.  Without her constant support I maybe wouldn't even be here.  I owed it to her. I love her.]

For me, tonight was so much more than a 5k.

Sweet victory. 

#MakeMovesorMakeExcuses

Addition by Subtraction

I am a loser. 

[Some of you are saying, "Yeah.  We already knew that."]

Back in December I knew something wasn't quite right.  For about a week I had this weird, sugary taste in my mouth, I couldn't stop going to the bathroom [I know...TMI], and I was soooo thirsty.  I asked the school nurse to check my blood sugar.  It was 191 as a fasting blood sugar.  [I know that isn't super high but it is if don't have blood sugar issues at all.]  I had gestational diabetes with three of my litter so that plus my weight and lifestyle does put me at risk for developing type 2 diabetes.

Time for changes.  

I'm not sure why it took the blood sugar spike to make me do this but thankfully it wasn't something worse. [I'm a little A LOT hardheaded.]

Craig and I decided that we were going to make some serious changes. 

We were both heavy drinkers....of soft drinks. [Gotcha.]
We were both lazy.
We both like to eat burgers and fries and chips and cake.

Craig works at the Y doing field maintenance [yes, we have like 16 jobs between the two of us] so we have a free Y membership. We actually became members LAST [as in 2013] November but used it like once [excuses were our biggest obstacle]. 

We began New Year's day [cliché I know] by coming up with a plan.  [Just a side note:  If you know Craig then you know he is all about planning and organization.  He is a type A personality. Me?  I'm like a type Z.  Like I plan nothing.  Craig plans to make a plan. Missy hopes to leave the house with her pants on.  It works for us.]  

We've stuck to the plan and it is working.

We make a detailed grocery list every week.  We plan every single meal, down to breakfast options. We've been eating salad with EVERY meal.  [Our children like salad.  Thank goodness.] We've been eating only chicken and fish [I don't eat fish.  I gave it a try but no.] with the occasional ground turkey addition. We've tried to cut out unnecessary carbs [and I'm finding out that lots of things have carbs and I didn't know it] and really eat healthy.  We are drinking water, water, WATER.  At least 5 nights a week we go to the Y.  

So why didn't we do this a year ago?  We are stupid.

So far, since my visit to the doctor right before Christmas, I've lost 15 pounds. [*insert HUGE yee haw*].  And honestly, for the first time, in about two years I feel really good about myself.  

I feel empowered.
I feel a sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I can lose weight.

Craig and I both have so much to live for and we have to take care of ourselves. Sometimes, as parents, we get complacent not because we are lazy and don't want to but because our lives get so crazy.  Sports seasons are tough because our schedules are all crazy.  Just trying to have four kids and work full time [and 28 other jobs] is tough.  

But we don't have a choice.  God only gave us one body and he expects us to take care of it.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

I Corinthians 6: 19-20

When I look at it like this, from a Biblical standpoint, I'm actually going against God when I don't take care of myself and my body.  

We were saved from eternal death when Jesus paid the ultimate price and I was shoveling french fries down my throat and chasing it with fountain Coke? I wasn't glorifying God with my body but turning my back on Him.  

Thankfully, we began to listen to God instead of focusing on us.  We aren't doing any of this without His help.  Personally, I just handed over the self-image worries and just said, "Help me Lord."

And, as always, He has been right beside me.

Because I Am...

I am currently spending night number three in the hospital with an ailing husband.  What started out Monday morning as a "routine" laparoscopic appendectomy [I feel so smart using those big words] has turned into, well, a cluster of sorts.  

[I am sharing details that you will either find fascinating or just plain gross. You've been warned.]

First, the surgeon, upon ballooning up poor Mr. Short's abdomen to perform the procedure figured out his appendix was very stubborn.  The calcification [again, who but a Short, gets a useless stone in a useless organ] basically cemented the appendix to the intestines....in the WRONG direction!!  He even tried an extra port to see if he could get the appendix out.  Nadda. Zip. Wasn't happening.

Next, he had to make an incision to get to the appendix.  So, in addition to 4 "bullet holes" Short also has a nice zipper.  The appendix, in the words of the surgeon, "did not look right", so he called in pathology. Holy guacamole!  We went from "You'll be home by tonight" to "There was a question of a malignancy in his intestines."  

Last, [but certainly not least as the Short summer has gone] the man had a hernia that repaired itself with the incision to the abdomen. [I told Craig he got a free surgery.  He has yet to see the humor.]

Two days out [slowly moving into day number three] after the surgery day we are still here at the hospital. 

To say Craig is disgusted is an understatement.  
He is so ready to be home. 
We are ready for him to be home.

It has been quite the summer at the Short house.

Yet, through each mountaintop experience and the valleys, God has shown us that he is holding us up and sustaining us with his grace and mercy.  

Today, talking with one of the many folks that have called to check on us, a friend said, "We find the joy in every situation." 

I could seriously shout that from the roof right now! [Of course, if I do, they will find me and then I'll be breaking news on many channels and the Shelby Star's crappy website.]

Craig is going to be OK.  There was not a malignancy.  Yes, he will be in pain for a while and recovery will be a bit longer BUT he will recover. 

How many folks are still facing days, weeks, months in the hospital?   
How many people are facing things they will NEVER recover from like illness or addiction or abuse?

Finding the joy in our situation is SUPER easy.  This is just a bump in the road [even for Craig...as bad as he feels right now, I know he would agree] and all will end well. 

Countless numbers of friends and family have called, visited, texted, and emailed to check on all six of us.  I have been overwhelmed with all the well wishes, offers to help us with the kids, meals, and prayers.  Our church family has also been such a blessing, watching over our children, getting meals together, and just being faithful prayer warriors.

Finding the joy, even in the midst of trials.

I will say that our experience here at the hospital, though not how we intended to spend this last week in July, has been OK.  Everyone has been excellent [I heard that was the buzz word around these parts] and very kind to my sweet husband. 

Finding the joy that others bring to us when we can't find it ourselves.

[This next part of this post is just me simply pouring out my heart about a situation that really bothered me, but needed to bother me.  It is something that I have been working on for the better part of this week, between all the commotion.  I am in no way, shape, or form looking for sympathy.  The truth hurts. I am choosing to find the joy and change my circumstances.]

The title of this post is "Because I Am...".  Allow me to finish the sentence:

Because I am overweight...

• ....my feet hurt.  Doesn't matter the shoes...they hurt.
• ....I can't wear decent clothes.  I am constantly trying to hide it all.
• ....I don't want to be in ANY pictures.  I hate pictures. Despise them. Avoid them like the plague.
• ....I get uncomfortable in social situations.  I am embarassed at how I look and my mind lets me focus on that so much when I am around others.
• ....Mirrors are not my friend.  I barely look in one to get ready.

Because I am overweight, I could not get on a ride while at Dollywood.  I was actually on the ride but the operator couldn't get the shoulder harness pushed down all the way so I had to exit the ride. In front of everyone on the ride.
That was my moment.  That was the moment that defined it all for me.  

Wake. Up. Call.

I am the only one...THE ONLY ONE...who can fix this for me.  There isn't a magic pill or shake or whatever that is going to make me healthy.  Getting healthy and staying healthy is up to me.  

I do make an effort but that isn't enough.  It is called change. 

I've wrestled with this for a couple of weeks and I go from discouraged to hopeful and back and forth.

Society says women are only "beautiful" when they are thin.  Thin as in skinny all the way to thin as in fit..but either way you look at it, that is what others see.  

I will use a perfect example that has been in the news recently.  A Boston radio show announcer made the comment [that ultimately resulted in the station he worked for being dropped by Fox Sports] that if Erin Andrews were 15 pounds heavier she wouldn't be reporting for Fox Sports but waitressing at a Perkin's. I guess that means I should really be doubling as an iceberg in the Antarctic. Seriously.  

I have listened to it at my job for years [from students and employees] when people are talking about others.  I heard a student this year say that he didn't like _____ [yes, he called her by name] because she was one of those fat girls. [I promptly told him that heavy, skinny as a rail, or in the middle that it really didn't matter because none of them were stupid enough to like him anyway so all was good.  Idiot.] I've overheard one teacher tell another male teacher that he liked driving field trips for a particular female teacher because she was, and a I quote, "hot" and "good to look at".  If he said it loud enough for me to hear, I know the kids heard it too. Idiot. Yes, it does happen in the opposite way too.  

I've listened to people describe others as "heavy set" or "that bigger girl or guy".  Why can't she be described as the girl with the amazing singing voice or the guy with the awesome sense of humor?  

Women don't help themselves at all. Social media has created the idea that the smaller my bathing suit, the more my boobs hang out, and the darker my tan that I will get "liked".  [This is a whole other rant for another night.] Any boy [or man for that matter] that is giving you his seal of approval on your pictures is NOT doing so because they like who you are...the only like what they see. [And by the looks of many of them, they get to see ALOT.]  This type of "let it all hang out then post it on Twitter and Instagram" mentality leads to this idea that we, as women, are just something to look at [or in my case, turn away from]. 

Being overweight is a struggle and one that I never saw coming on until I was here.  I do intend to be healthy.  I know that this is not an easy fix and one that is going to take a lot of will power, dedication, and change on my part.  I know that I have to...
...drink water.
...exercise.
...put down the diet Sundrop [&^%$#&&#].
...eat healthier.
I actually started changing last week, by adding some new things to the menu rotation. [This was more to try it out on the Shorties that were at home to make sure we all eat healthy.]  I liked the new meals. [They liked the meals.] I felt good after those few changes.  This week I wanted to try that 9Round place....but Craig's appendix had a mind of its own [and apparently its own zipcode] and I've been stuck here all week. 

HOWEVER, I will not give up.  I am going to use a running plan that worked for me last time to get moving again. I know I can do Zumba just right up the road.

Because I am a Jesus girl I know that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.  

Because I know longer want to hate the mirror, my closet, or myself in pictures I will get healthy.

As always, even when the struggles are hanging on, life as a Short is awesome. 

My Kitchen Smells Like a Garden

Short and I finally bit the bullet [actually, we bought one of those crazy infomercial Nutribullet blenders that pulverizes all your food] and decided that we need to eat better.  Today was day one.  My first meal of the day was spinach, blueberries, strawberries and a banana all blended together in a nifty little "blast".  For lunch, we have cauliflower "mashed potatoes", quinoa, and kale chips for lunch with our grilled chicken. [I will be completely honest in saying that I could seriously use a huge order of French fries right about now.]  

We bought this handy, dandy blend-it-all-up yesterday at Sam's. [It was $10 cheaper than Wal Mart and prevented me from falling into the I-buy-things-from-infomercials club.]  Craig wanted me to read the instructions and recipes on the way home.  My first question was where is the page that tells us how to blend up a Krispy Kreme donut.  Seriously, that was my first question. 

So let me get this straight....I put spinach, bananas, strawberries, a handful of almonds, and some water and then I eat it?  Yep.  We couldn't wait to try it out last night.  Our first concoction's color was a cross between vomit and well, vomit.  All four of us [that would be me, Short, and the older two because the younger two ain't eating anything that isn't scattered, covered, smothered and chunked] took turns smelling it [yes, like animals] and then we tried it [well, we made Coop go first]. It wasn't bad....even though it looked like straight vomit in a cup.  Amazing that I didn't taste any spinach or the handful of seeds we used.  
This morning Molly created a berry flavored one and it was dang good.  

We are currently in Phase 1.  [I feel like I'm a lab rat. Or a big fat lab rat.] This means we eat 1 "blast" a day for the next two weeks while we begin to change our eating habits.  I can imagine that my cells, today, were like, "Whoa dude!  What's going on here?  Is she sick?  Have aliens taken over?  Did she just eat spinach?"  

Of course, some of my children [that would be 1, 3, and 4] snarled their noses at the thought of eating something that didn't come from a can [or Blackwoods or McDonalds or Mi Pueblitos].  Molly polished off her meal with some cucumber and ranch dressing, Emma ate cereal, and Gabe stayed with the old reliable, PB & J.  I am pretty sure I heard the comment, "Does this mean we all have to eat healthy?"

I mean, what kind of mother am I anyway to just stop, cold turkey, and not feed my children crap anymore?  Certainly not Mother of the year according to them.

They'll get over it. 

So here's to nothing [or something I hope when it comes to losing weight and getting healthy] and attempting to live a  life without refined sugars, processed food, and junk food.  

The book suggested giving up coffee so that I'm only drinking one cup a day. [The book obviously doesn't realize that I teach middle school, have four kids, two jobs, and a mighty crazy and irrational side without my coffee fix.]  

Lent begins Wednesday.  I was thinking of throwing down the gauntlet [and letting the Sundrop guy down easy because I am 100% sure that he will need another job and another way to supplement his college fund] and.....giving.....up.....diet Sundrop. 

I have a plan actually.  I teach middle schoolers.  They will take up a challenge anytime, any day. [Usually, they are saying, "Hey watch this!" just before they do something really stupid or impulsive or stupidly impulsive.]  I am going to employ their help in my efforts to stop drinking DSD.  

[Shameful plug:  I won't be absent so long next time.  There has been a lot going on in my life and in my head.  Trust me, it was all better left unsaid. Today is a new day.  Time for some changes.]

As always, life as a Short couldn't be any sweeter. [Because we threw away the sugar.]

Revolutions for 2014

I love that AT&T commercial with the kid that says he's going to make a revolution.  Here are my revolutions:

• Devote more time to Bible study. My desire is not to just read verses - I want to study the Word.  I want to understand.  I want to be consumed with God.
• Devote more time to my children.  Molly will be leaving for college in about 8 months. What we have now will never be the same.
• Devote more time to my health.  I am fat.  I have high blood pressure. My hair is falling out. I don't take care of myself. No more excuses. If I'm going to spend more time with my children I have to be here and be well to do that.
• Devote more time to others.  I have this immense desire to feed the world. [I know that sounds terribly cliché and like that song from the 80s.] I want to fix dinner for someone without them expecting it, hand out fast food gift certificates to people that just need a helping hand, pay it forward every time I go to Starbucks or McDonald's to get a coffee, send home 20 more backpacks at school, and refuse to let anyone go without food. 
• [This one is purely selfish.]  I want more people to read my blog!  I know I am slightly crazy sometimes but I have good stuff to say most of the time. 

My Bible study tonight led me to Philippians.  Here is my verse for this year:

"Forgetting what is behind me and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13b-14  

2013 was good to me - I have no complaints.  I cannot wait to see what God has in store for the Shorties in 2014. ***UPDATE JUST NOW @ 11:57pm - God has answered a prayer for another opportunity to make a little extra money for my family.  GOD.IS.AWESOME!!***

As always, life as a Short is good :)

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

I have been absent for a while because, quite frankly, my attitude sucked. [Might as well not beat around the bush.]  For the better part of a year I've been battling this inner turmoil...

You are too fat to be successful at running....give it up.

You are ugly.

Why would anyone want your help?

You are a terrible mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend teacher coworker....

So what did I do?  I listened to those things, so much so that I began to believe it all.  Then, this past Saturday, it was like someone literally hit me upside the head [who knows...might have been Gabe...or Craig...] and His voice said, "Good gravy girl!  Snap out of it.  I love you ~ what else matters?  Do it all in My name.  Do it for Me."

So what else is a girl to do when God is talking to her as she travels down 74 to the Pancake House in Shelby? I tell you what she does ~ she listens.  She says, "OK Lord.  I need your help because I am tired of who I've become.  I don't want to be this girl anymore.  I know that you love me....now help me love me."

Life ain't easy. [Thanks Captain Obvious]  Since hitting 40 I've felt so insignificant, old, and basically, washed up.  But what has been more apparent than anything else is that I am in control of nothing if I don't give it all up to God.  I have proven:

I cannot do this by myself.

Along with that nice little toe-stepper Saturday, then the sermon on Sunday was written just for me.  I wrote down one point and underlined it:

Your character affects your influence.

I need to reflect Godly character at home, at my job, with friends, everywhere. That cannot be done without being in tune with Christ.

That  cannot be done alone.

I need to give it all to Him.

I heard the hymn, It is Well, as I was getting out of the car for Sunday school yesterday morning.

  


Goodbye to looking for something that can't be found ~ Utopia...Emerald City ....Easy Street.  

It is well with my soul.

New Weight Loss Blog

I am keeping Step Away Chubby [and some of you just cried] but I need a space for weight loss [yes, I have A LOT to lose].  I created a new blog to chronicle my journey ~ with your help.  Please, please, PLEASE pop in and check me out...but keep reading over here at Step Away.
Here is the link:

http://missyislosing.blogspot.com

Thanks!!

Say it Ain't So, Fat 30s, and Haskets

I have done it. 

I broke up with my love.
 
It was time we parted ways. 

This relationship was going no where. [Except my waist.]

That is correct ~ I am no longer a drinker.

I gave up Diet Sundrop. Say it AIN'T so!!!  That's correct ladies and gentlemen....it is over....for a lot of reasons:
1. I am doing a Bible study on my new Nexus tablet [given to me by my favorite coach ♥ and the Shorties] about fasting on something that takes away from my focus on my walk with Christ. [Some of you are shaken the noggin' right now....stay with me.]  The study suggest that I give up something that cost me money and then give what I would have spent in those three weeks to honor Christ.  [I am thinking in 3 weeks I could have $300 or so.  Seriously.]
2. What a waste of money. Those things are ridiculous on the pocketbook. [And let's be honest ('cause no one likes a liar) the Shorties could use some moolah these days.]
3. I am not getting any younger. [Trust me, Gabe reminds me, DAILY about how old I am getting. Thanks Gabe.]
So there you have it.  The affair is out and it is over.  Wonder if I'll make headline news like that Broadwell chick and Petraeus?  I'll keep you posted....

My 30s were, well, [for lack of a better word] FAT for me.  Just fat.  I've been the fattest I've EVER been in my life for the past decade.  Time for that to end. [Notice this is not a love affair like Diet Sundrop and me. F-A-T I hate you. Sincerely hate you.] 10 years have been spent trying to squeeze into my clothes.  10 years spent not liking what I see in the mirror.  10 years of F-A-T.  No more. I do not like thinking that I didn't go to my 20 year reunion because I was too F-A-T and embarassed. I am not going to spend the next 10 years being the fat girl, having a hard time finding clothes, and feeling embarassed in EVERY single picture that is taken of me.  I've started off pretty good - been running since October and trying to really watch what I eat [sometimes that has included watching Peppermint Patties and ice cream going in my mouth...] - so hopefully that will pay off.  Of course, in typical I-Am-Male-Just-Let-Me-Mutter-Weight-Loss-And-AUTOMATICALLY-Lose-25-Pounds fashion my favorite coach has already lost about three times what I've lost [no, no....I'm not a bit jealous....*$#@*&^%]. So here's to you, Fat 30s....be gone!!

In other Shortie adventures we had a fantastically awesome and blessed Christmas.  As always, all the time, God was so good to all of us.  [I ain't talkin' about the gifts.]  He gave us time with family and friends.  He kept us safe.  My Jesus #ROCKS!  

We did have to visit the funeral home and, in Gabe fashion, it turned out funnier than we expected.  I anticipated some questions [this ain't my first rodeo] from the militant midget so I tried to explain some things upfront.  I told him about the casket, about the flowers, about seeing the person in the casket and that he didn't have to look.  I explained that we would go through and look and then tell the family that we were sorry for their loss. 

I should have known with the first question:
Gabe: What did they lose?
Me: Their mommy and grandmother.
Gabe: Well where did she go?
Me: Well her body stayed here but her soul is with Jesus.  She is alive with Jesus.
Gabe: Without her body?  
Me [changing the subject]: What do you want for Christmas Gabe?

Later, just before entering the family room, I get this question:
Gabe: So just what do they do with that hasket? [Thank goodness I am well-versed in Gabenese and knew he meant casket.]
Me: What do you mean what do they do with it?
Gabe: Well do they just take it back outside for someone else to use next?
Me: No.  Remember visiting the cemetaries in Washington, DC?  They take the haskets, I mean caskets, to the cemetaries and bury them.
Gabe: Oh. That makes sense.

And finally, after entering the family room, he spotted the casket and his eyes got huge as he grabbed my hand:
Gabe: Where are her legs?  Did they cut them off?!
Me: No baby, they just open the top of the has- casket so you can tell her goodbye.  He legs are in the bottom part.
Gabe: Thank goodness!

If you are looking for sophistication and what-not you ain't gonna get it here.  This is just plain, honest [usually irrreverent] truth from the mouth of my babes. 

On a serious note, please keep Scotty Hill in your prayers. He is a current student who is battling stage 4 cancer.  He is fighting this beast already and I know that God is firmly holding Scotty and his family in His mighty hands.  Pray for continued support of the family, for Scotty to be able to eat and overcome  sickness, and for wisdom of the doctors that are treating Scotty.

On the flip side, a former student [and one of my all-time favorite people - EVER] Mr. Jay Robinson got a great report from his recent MRI.  He was diagnosed as a fifth grader with a brain stem tumor and has endured surgeries, radiation, and the effects of radiation.  He found out, just before Christmas, that the tumor is stable, looks smaller, and that he is in good shape to continue being awesome!  Jeremiah 29:11 says that Jesus has a hope and a future for us. For Me. For you. For Scotty. For Jay!  Love ya Jaybird!!

As always, life as a Shortie, is awesome!  Thanks for reading!