Forward....March

Change is hard. 
Changing jobs is tough.
Changing jobs when you are a teacher, in November, is not easy. 

For me, it has been terribly hard.

I have done a lot of crying. 
A lot.

I like my new teaching gig.  I instantly remembered what drew me to teach elementary school in the first place.

The kids are a hoot. [I've already been asked several questions about why my hair looks the way it does, am I really old or just old, and how much I weigh. Some I answered. Some I didn't.]

The hugs are plentiful. [If you're ever having a bad day just walk into a classroom full of first graders. They will hug you no matter who you are or what you look like.]

I share a classroom with another teacher and she's just awesome. We laugh. We bounce ideas off of each other. I am learning so very much from her. [Plus, she's super organized and has a great eye for detail. Me? Yeah...not so much.]

I have a routine but the days aren't exactly the same. [Makes perfect sense huh?] Keeps me on my toes.

I managed to find the Sundrop machine. And the bathroom. [Priorities. In that order.]

I have figured out that the best class to follow, anywhere, is the Pre-K group. [They dance. They twirl. They touch the wall and the floor. They sling their lunchboxes and drag their coats. They wave at everyone. They typically walk as slow as a human can possibly walk and still be considered in motion.] It is absolutely the greatest thing to be behind them. 

As an adult, [I won't even pretend like I've always tried to be this way] I have tried so very hard to play the background.  Sometimes I didn't take opportunities because I was afraid of how others would be affected. Sometimes I sold myself short [no pun intended there with short] because I didn't believe in myself or my abilities.  

This time, I just took that leap of faith, trusting that God never puts us where He won't use us for His glory.   

So why the tears? More than anything, the stress on me has been self-induced and has a name: Guilt.

I have felt so incredibly guilty leaving those kids at the middle school.  [I'm certainly not saying that I am teacher extraordinaire.  Maybe not even mediocre.]  For all of their quirks and strange habits and egocentric ways, 8th graders are awesome. 

I miss them.

But now I have to put my energy into learning as much as a I can from those who are the experts. 
I have to put my energy into these new kids who are just as awesome. 
I have to be the absolutely very best teacher I can for the kids I serve.
I have to be a team player and jump into getting to know everyone.

More than anything....I have to be OK with my decision to change.

I am thankful for a husband who has listened to me cry, who has encouraged me every single step of the way, but most of all, who has prayed for me.  I am thankful for a family that has adjusted to a new schedule and changes that come along with that schedule.  I am thankful for new co-workers who point me in the right direction when I look lost.  I am thankful for old co-workers who have sent encouraging words. 

Moving forward...with a thankful heart.
  

Close Your Eyes and Jump

Tomorrow will be my last Monday as an 8th grade science teacher. 

Thursday will be my last day with 8th grade students.

Friday will be my last day at the middle school.

I can speak honestly here. [I mean, I can pretty much do whatever I choose since it's my blog.] 

I am scared. 

After 18 years of teaching, I am not scared about teaching. [Some of you might think different.  If my teaching scares you can keep that to yourself.] 

I am scared of the things I am not sure about...

• Where is the diet Sundrop? [Like is there just one button or is there like a whole line of buttons for diet Sundrop or am I going to have to resort to bringing my own for the fridge?]
• Where is the bathroom? [Seriously. Where is the bathroom?  I am over 40. I've had 4 kids. Enough said.]
• Is there coffee or do I need to follow BYOC? [Bring your own coffee people...keep up!]
• Where do I park? 
• How do I get to my classroom? [SERIOUS concern here.]
• People move jobs every day.  I will survive. [Or I will at least pretend like I know what I'm doing. I mean, if I end up at the playground every day, trying to find the restroom or diet Sundrop or my classroom it will be ok. I hope. I like playgrounds.]

Mostly, I'm scared of leaving.

I work with some seriously awesome people who handle middle schoolers with so much grace and compassion that it is amazing. I am so very blessed to have spent time with people that have a heart for teaching.

Trust me when I say that it truly takes a very special person to teach middle school. 

Seriously. Middle school teachers must be crazy have a true heart for teaching because there is no one single logical explanation for why anyone [in their right mind] would put up with some of the "stuff" that middle schoolers can throw [sometimes literally] at you, on a daily basis.

My hat is off to teachers everywhere. Teaching is a tough job. Middle school teaching is a true calling because it is tough on a whole different wacky, crazy level...day in and day out.

In my tenure as a middle school teacher, I have been surrounded by many people who heeded the call to teach the deranged and unstable middle schoolers.

These are some of the very best teachers I have ever seen. 

They have to be tough. Even when it hurts. [And believe me when I say that the old saying that "it hurts me more than it hurts you" is often true when you dole out discipline in middle school.]

They have to be fair. Even when the other side doesn't get it. [More times than not the other side truly does not see any fault in throwing food across the cafeteria or kissing that soul-mate in the stairway.]

They have to be compassionate. Even when the compassion is NOT being returned. Or considered. Or even in the realm of possibility.

They have to show endurance. Even when the gas gauge is on E and it is only 8:30am on a Monday morning. 

They have to be able to multi-task. Even when it's lunch. [And thanks to portable email, sometimes even in the bathroom. Oh wait...is that just me? Sorry. Too much information.]

What an adventure it has been for me.  

I landed at the middle school sort of by default.  

I wanted a change. 

My favorite coach was going to be the head softball coach at the high school so we would be moving. 

I needed to start over.

Just as God always does He provided me with people in my path to guide me. I could never adequately thank KMMS enough for all they have done to help me be a better teacher.  I am not nearly the middle school teacher that I see in many of them.  

My hope for my soon-to-be former co-workers is very simple...just keep jumping.

Close your eyes and jump. 

Every single day.

More than anything, teaching of any kind requires taking a daily jump. 

In middle school I think it takes a good jump and a huge leap of faith.

Faith that the kid that sits with his head down, on the daily, will raise his hand and answer a question.

Faith that first block or fourth block or that meeting that you dread will go smoothly.

Faith that the lesson or the new concept or that huge technology project you have planned will be embraced by all most of your students.

Faith that the students who only eat when they come to school will be able to make it through the long, four day weekend.

Faith that God's grace and mercy, that has been shown to you more than once [or twice or ten times] will also be evident in your interactions with those around you.

Faith that each new day will be a good day.

Thank you for being willing to jump, sometimes hour by hour, for the students you are impacting. Changing lives is not an easy job but you are doing just that...even when you can't see it. 

Thank you for helping me learn to jump. 

Well, I've Been Afraid of Changing

Change is the only constant - Heraclitus

[Now I don't always go around quoting Greek philosophers but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.]

I have been a classroom teacher for 18 years.  

I went from 1st grade to 5th grade in my first year of teaching.  I moved classrooms three times at my second school.  In fact, in my first 7 years of teaching, I either moved schools or classrooms every year. I moved from 5th to 4th then back to 5th then back to 4th then back to 5th [and that involved moving classrooms]. 

In the 2006-2007 school year, I had my first experience where I questioned why I was teaching at all. [Some of you that have had me might still be asking that question.]  I was pregnant with child number four. [Incidentally, we did stop drinking all tap water in 2006.] I was one year into a three year graduate program. [I guess having 3 kids, a full time job, being pregnant, having a husband that worked and coached an hour away wasn't enough.] Around Halloween, the wheels fell off. 

The list was given to me. The list that included every single 5th grader teacher in the county, along with their scores. 

My name was at the bottom. [In golf, the low score is really good. Not so good in this case.] I would love to say that some help was offered or that anything positive was even said to me or about me during this encounter. But...that's in the past.  I have learned that every single encounter is orchestrated by God. Take an opportunity to learn from every situation - good or bad.

In that one instant, I felt like I had two choices [as Andy Mineo would say]: Make moves or make excuses. 

I chose to move. 
I moved on being a better reading teacher.
I moved on learning to let things go [well, almost].
I moved on soaking up knowledge and ideas from graduate school.

And after another year in 5th grade, I moved on.

Since 2008, I have been an 8th grade science teacher. 

I've often said that teaching 8th grade was much like teaching 5th grade - the kids act the same but they are just taller. [Well, some of them.]

I have enjoyed teaching middle school. [Well, most of the time.] 

Here are a few things I've learned along the way:

• 8th graders are funny. [Sometimes good funny and sometimes not-so-good funny.]
• Many middle schoolers just want to belong [not unlike most human beings...a few of you just don't care] and they want you to notice them. A few kids gain that attention negatively.
• It is mandatory that a you pick your battles carefully. Every single mole hill does not have to become a mountain. [I have learned that the hard way.] 
• Love what you teach and kids will love it too. Move, dance, be silly, listen to 80s Pandora [that's just good teaching], and laugh. [A lot.]
• Learn. To. Let. It. Go. Bad days. Terrible lessons. Hurt feelings. Things beyond your control. [This is the one I am still working on.  I let things eat at me because I never want anyone to be disappointed in me.]
• The middle school is a loud place.  Get used to it.
• Be consistent. Many of them may not remember a pencil or that you asked them to study for a vocabulary quiz but they will remember you promised them a sucker for being good [that one time].

Teaching in middle school has been an extraordinarily wild ride.

I have made some incredibly wonderful friends. Friends that have laughed with me and cried with me. Friends that have loved my children and loved me when I couldn't love myself. Friends that have encouraged and energized me to be a better teacher and a better person.

I have been blessed to teach some amazing students that taught me so much about life.  Many times, middle schoolers do not want anyone to see the inside yet they don't realize how transparent they are at this awkward age. My heart aches for the issues and things that kids, so young, are expected to just accept. Yet, through some struggles, a lot of tears, many walks to and from lunch, and just through general conversation, some amazing children have been in my life.

I would not trade anything for my time as an 8th grade science teacher. Not one thing.  

I am leaving middle school. 

An opportunity to go back to my roots and be with elementary children found its way to me. [I know that God does not deal in luck and chance.] When I left 5th grade to come to the middle school it wasn't just about moving because Craig was here but more about getting out of a situation. Again, I won't go into much detail but I knew that staying was not ever going to change the mindset and perception of me.  

This time, I am leaving for an opportunity I've always wanted.
Not running away from something terrible. 
Not looking to get out because I know it is time.

[Just a side note: Please do not question my loyalty to my job or this community. Do not mistake my taking an opportunity to do something different for any kind of "leaving for greener grass". That will be all I'll say about folks who cannot do their own jobs well because they are too tired from being busy bodies.]
    
I am going to be a reading teacher.

This opportunity is just a God send and something I have prayed about for a few years. God has closed so many doors to jobs I pursued in the last few years. 

This door was wide open. 

And I am super excited. 

Don't Make the Bear Angry

Tonight my favorite coach will be calling it quits. He is literally throwing in the towel.

After 18 years of coaching everything from football and softball to track and volleyball he is passing the torch on to other folks. [I know some folks are like, "Its not like he coached 35 or 40 years and was a state champion or blah, blah, blah."  He went into teaching for the coaching.  He ended up loving the classroom as much as the field.]

It is bittersweet.

For all of our married life, he has coached in some form or fashion. [To be completely honest, coaching almost ended our marriage very early. I didn't get the time commitment at all.  Totally and completely selfish on my part and I've apologized many times.]

His career started in the booming metropolis of Cherryville [or Cher'ville for some people] as a football coach.  This was our first experience with high school football.  I didn't realize how much I would truly become entrenched in small town high school football.

It was fun [and still is after almost 20 years].

The best part has always been watching my favorite coach. 

[And watching his hat.  What he is doing with the hat he is wearing during the game is always an indication of how the game is going on the field.  For example, if he starts messing with the bill or adjusting it on his head, then the game plan is not being executed.  If he takes it off completely and holds it in his hands or uses it to point at players then he is mad.  If it ends up in the back of his pants, stuck in the waist band, then we are sunk....game over.  It is a proven fact.  I've watched this happen through countless football and softball games.  He swears it doesn't happen. He is dead wrong.]  

I love to watch the interactions with the players, good and bad [sometimes I have to scold him afterwards because he is too harsh], how he schmoozes with the umpires and refs [they love the man], and watching him point to the sky to thank Jesus after every win and every loss.

Through the years we have weathered many highs and many lows in coaching....

• I remember when Mooresville had 4th and 26 yards to go at Cherryville....and the Blue Devils won the game. [And I am fairly certain that "4th and 26" was painted on the wall in the locker room as a reminder...]
• I remember the first time in 20 years that  Cherryville beat Lincolnton and the massive celebration on the field.
• I remember attending the funerals of two former East Gaston football players two post seasons in a row.
• I remember the Mooresville hat sitting inside the casket of his dad several days after the Friday night game where I busted into the locker room to break the news to him that Ray was very sick.
• I remember the night East Gaston finally beat South Point in front of the home crowd.
• I remember the finally beating Crest in softball during his last season at East Gaston.
• I remember the epic 2006 season at East Gaston where we went to the third round of the play-offs and brought our sweet Gabe into the world.
• I remember Friday nights, after football games, when the coaches and their families fixed a mess of food and watched Football Friday Night.
• I remember starting over, here in KM, and feeling like a fish out of water because none of the fans seemed really receptive to a new coach.
• I remember the sting of words being slung at him, with my kids sitting there listening. [And yes, I remember a few several times not choosing the high road and giving it right back to them.  You want to see me go 7 different kinds of crazy?  Talk about my husband in front of my kids and it is a guarantee that my crazy will hit you like a bad habit.]
• I remember the night we came back, with two outs, to beat Chase, in the 8th inning. 
• I remember the parents that supported him [and I will forget the parents that chose to not support him].
• I remember the countless hours he has spent working on that softball field...late nights of lining the field, painting for senior nights, and picking grass from the infield....under the lights.
• I remember Molly's senior night and watching the two of them celebrate one last victory as coach and player, but more importantly, as dad and daughter.
• I remember the sleepless nights before big games, buying Stride gum and a diet Wild Cherry Pepsi to take to him, and the excitement of going on to the field after a big win [and many times asking in the stands if anyone wanted to take him home after an upsetting loss....I am not a bit ashamed to admit that either].

This has been one of the biggest decisions of his life. 

He will be walking away from coaching. 

He has coached for 18 straight years, in some capacity and at every school where he has ever worked.  

He will also be leaving Cooper for his last two years of high school football. [If you know anything about him at all then you know that my husband loves his children.  He has worried himself silly over leaving Cooper. Please pray for him about this worry.]
  
When he asked Cooper how he felt about him stepping away, his answer to his dad was simple yet so profound coming from a 16 year old: Some people are born to teach and some are born to lead. You, dad, are a leader. 

[Talk about tears. Wow.]

And tonight he is breaking the news to a group of ladies and parents that are
very special to him.  He has dreaded doing this and I know it will be difficult.
This group of young ladies has chiseled a place on his heart and they will not soon be forgotten.  He loves them and doesn't want anyone to be upset with him for choosing to walk away.  I don't envy his tough position tonight. 

Not at all.  

I have said extra prayers that the girls and parents are receptive and listen to his heart.  I pray for them as they search for a new coach.  I pray for him as he walks away.

Come August, he will be trading in his whistle for a new adventure.  He will be the newest Assistant Principal at West Lincoln Middle School. He is very humbled and excited about the new challenge God has given him.  

But for us...he is now and will always be Coach Short.

My favorite coach.