If You Could Be A Fly on the Wall...

Tonight I realized several things about living in this family:
1. There is ALWAYS random conversation going on - someone is always talking to someone else.
(All overheard tonight in the living room/kitchen/hall [Yes..that is all one area] in the Short unit)
Emma: Hey! Everyone listen to me! I got a new song for you!
Cooper: You see, on this paintball game, my team has to do blah, blah, blah.........
Gabe: Spiderman. Spiderman. Look out! Here comes the Spiderman.
Molly: Daddy! What time does the game come on tonight?
Me: Listen to this bizarro story I heard at lunch today.
Craig: I am so ready for school to be out.
I mean, seriously, we were all talking about random things - At one time!!! Who was listening?

2. We are hardly ever serious...about anything! For example, we have a new neighbor beside us. [You might remember....she has a cat...on a leash.] I saw her at Wal-Mart [You might be a redneck if you go to Wal-Mart twice in 24 hours...I'm just sayin'] and the neighbor was talking to herself. So we pull up in front of the apartment and I tell Cooper that I just saw her in Wal-Mart and she was talking to herself. "We what do you expect? She's got a cat on a leash for goodness sakes. No time to let the feline "cat" around [get it? "cat" around]" Cooper says to me. I guess he's got a point.

3. We can recite any shameless comedy, cult classic, or Will Ferrell movie - on the spot!
Gabe is frequently heard quoting 16 Candles: She's getting married? Yes! Married! Geezsh - or Nacho Libre: I ate some bugs. I ate some grass. I used my hand to wipe my tears.
Emma's favorite is from Dumb and Dumber: Mock! Yeah! Ing! Yeah! Bird! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Mocking Bird...
Cooper changes his up a good bit. Sometimes he's feeling O' Brother Where Art Thou?: Come on in fellers...the water's fine - or he chooses a line from Dumb and Dumber: We got no money! We got no food! Our pet's heads are falling off!
And Molly loves Nacho Libre too: Get that corn out my face Stephen!
BUT without fail, my kids can recite them....Makes me so proud [You know the drill, "You might be redneck if your kids can recite movie quotes on command.]

Random thought here but while in the self-check line at Wal-Mart I made a few observations. If you haven't already guessed it, I am a people watcher. I like to just see the little quirky things that people do in public. ["I always feel like somebody's watching me...and I have no privacy."] So tonight, in Wal-Mart [for the second time in 24 hours] I had an epiphany of sorts:

I decided that there should be a Stupid-O-Meter at all self-check registers.

If you are not capable of these two simple rules then you fail and must be escorted to the longest line in the store - opposite of the door where you parked your car:
A. Self-check out is NOT acceptable for the grocery cart that is so full that crap is falling off in the floor. We are talking, if you can multi-task and listen, maybe 10 things. And for goodness sakes, make sure it has a flippin' tag on it BEFORE you get there...And yes, we do mind waiting for you to run and get cheese.
B. Self-Check is not for you, your cousin, your cousin's momma [Which may or may not be your aunt...or sister...or momma. We are talking about Cleveland County here.] your brother, his girlfriend, her momma, and baby Junior to check out, one at a time, even though only one cart is involved. [For those of you scratching your head (or your rear) stay with me: One person pushes the cart while all mentioned above add their Tampons, six-pack of Bud, two packs of Juicy Fruit, that NASCAR collectible, and a tube of red lipstick. Then they congregate at the self-check, one at a time, and each pays for something. Now you with me?] I mean really....pool your money and let one person pay or GO TO ANOTHER LINE!!!!!

It is really very simple - if you fail one or both of those simple things then the Stupid-O-Meter goes straight to "There is a village looking for me" and you get carted off. I don't care that you pressed charges against that ho [True story...overheard it today] or that your baby daddy ain't paid in two months. I don't care that you cannot simple listen for the little machine to scan your Vienna sausages [All 65 cans] before you place them in the bag. GET WITH IT PEOPLE - IT AIN'T ROCKET SCIENCE!!! And by all means, if you are going to purchase a gift card, for the sake of my sanity [and the sanity of all semi-normal, mostly intelligent Wal-Mart shoppers] take the blasted thing to one of those folks in navy and kahki [with the "Hi! I am _____ Wal-Mart nametag] and let them "assist" you - that is what they get paid for!!!!

This is going to be a WiLd weekend!!! Molly plays ball in Rock Hill and Emma and Gabe are going to head to Aunt Nooner's for Sophie's 4th birthday. No rest for the weary I suppose.

As always, life as a Short is awesome!!

Missy ♥