Twas the Night Before Christmas

Ever want to just write something really absurd? [Some of you are saying all of my writing is absurd...] I heard Twas the Night Before Christmas on TV and it made me want to write my own version...enjoy.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, except maybe a mouse

[I don't like to vacuum and Gabe makes a mess

So the mouse is attracted to the crumbs under the bar is my guess]

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

And the littlest Shorties got Christmas cuts on their hair.

Molly, Cooper and Emma were nestled, all snug in their beds

But Gabe likes to sleep wherever he lays his head.

And Craig with his breathing machine and me in my zebra pants

Had just settled to bed when we heard quite a rant.

When from the kitchen their arose such a clatter

And I waited to hear the sound of glass shatter.

Craig jumped from his slumber and tore off his mask

[And if you've seen that thing that's no easy task]

Upon entering the kitchen we saw Santa himself

And peering from behind a tiny little elf.

[Now I was amazed to see the jolly old man

And then I wondered what I drank in that Sundrop can]

"You are not real....Santa is a fake."

"Well you see me don't you?" he said as he ate some cake.

I rubbed my eyes and shut them tight.

Should I be alarmed at this crazy sight?

Santa began to pull large toys from his sack

And then Craig took a huge step back.

I happened to see that Santa's little elf

Could have easily stood on top of a shelf.

Now if you know Craig then you know his greatest fear,

He is extremely afraid when midgets are near.

"Santa I believe that you are real and true.

But that midget's got to go - I thought you knew."

Santa peered from inside the big red sack,

[And Santa really needs a belt - we saw his crack]

"Now Craig, he is simply one of my tiny friends from the shop"

"I know" said Craig, "But his tiny fingers and big head I want to chop."

So Santa bid his elf to sit in his sleigh

And Craig was thankful that he got his way.

Now back to Santa's sack full of goodies.

"I'm not sure have some for you...wait! Here are some new hoodies!"

"There are shoes, clothes, and presents galore.

And I am pretty sure that isn't it...there is more."

Craig and I were amazed - this absolutely could not be real

Then we heard Santa say loud and clear, "Here is your bill!"

"I expect payment in full by December 26th

Otherwise next year there will be nothing but sticks!"

And with a loud sinister laugh Santa jumped out of sight

Craig and I examined the bill and pondered our plight...

"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up it's Christmas morning"

"Seriously Mommy, get up and stop all that snoring!"

I woke from my slumber to find Emma in my face

And Craig, sleeping soundly, on the bed in his space.

I thought about Santa...could it all have been a dream?

I was sure it was real but things are not always what they seem.

"Mommy let's go see if Santa came to our house last night!"

So I woke up Craig and he fumbled for the light.

We walked very slowly, all six of us to the living room

Craig looked at me and said I looked like gloom and doom.

I found the gifts from the encounter with the man in the red suit.

I even saw a print....left from a big, black boot!!!

I realized just then that Santa had been here.

[And the episode wasn't caused by drinking too much beer.]

However the detailed bill from Santa, given the night before

Was not to be found...it existed no more.

That part was a dream but the meeting with Santa was real.

And even the elf on the shelf had been the real deal.

I didn't dare tell Craig- he already thinks I'm crazy.

And I spent the rest of my day, with my kids, being lazy.

So enjoy your Christmas and the festivities of the season.

But always remember that Jesus is the reason.

[I hope that all of enjoy Christmas with family and friends...

Now my poem will come to an end.]

And I heard Santa say, as he drove out of sight

"Missy's bedhead is really a mess and it gave me a fright!"

Merry Christmas!! Life as a Short is good is wonderfully awesome this Christmas season :)

And born unto, this day, in the City of David, a Savior which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: You should find the babe, wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And suddenly, there was with the angel, a multitude of heavenly host, praising God and saying:

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. Luke 2:11-14