[DISCLAIMER: If you are 1. easily offended by sarcasm 2. a person who sends a Christmas newsletter 3. both 1 and 2 then maybe you want to now Google "Free MS Publisher Templates for Christmas Newletters"]
Dear Friends and Family,
What a fantastic year for the Shorts! Since last Christmas we have relocated - TWICE! Well, four times if you count the neverending storage bins full of junk that we managed to string out until about 3 weeks ago. Our first residence was in a quaint little apartment complex just on the other side of Shelby. While this put us closer to Kings Mountain, it also put our lives in danger. Aside from the grotesque mold growing in the back of our closet [which was about 3in deep but nearly 25ft in length] we are quite certain that the people above us vacuumed ALL of their carpet up while living above us, at all hours of the night. Our visit [notice there is no s on that word] to the apartment pool left us feeling that a shower was necessary and that we should enroll in the witness protection program. To say that Dueling Banjos was heard nightly is an understatement and I saw more Budweiser trucker hats than I care to remember. And, just as we moved out, a strange cat with this lady moved in next to us. Thank goodness we were able to get into our house....the banjos were getting closer and closer.
Molly started high school this year, Cooper is in his last year at the intermediate school, Emma is in first grade, and Gabe is still in daycare. [Yes, because paying daycare for 13 straight years is something that some of you only dream of doing]. The kids are well and keep us busier than ever. [Pretty sure here is where I should insert how wonderfully smart they are, how they are on their way to being Rhodes Scholars, and how we are doing the braces things on the oldest two.] We spend a lot of time laughing and spending time together. Of course, we were Craig's biggest fans during football season this year. [Unfortunately I had to have a word of prayer with more than one "fan" and a few people from across the creek via Facebook.] Cooper's team made it to the championship game. [And then picked the wrong day to play crappy] Molly switched softball teams [thank goodness is all I'll say about that one]. We stay pretty busy...but we love every minute of it! [Insert eye rolls and words like "PUH-LEASE" and "Yeah, right" at this point. I would LOVE one afternoon of laying on the couch and watching Oprah instead of taking a kid somewhere to play something.] I am glad they are involved in sports and Craig and I enjoy being the parents on the sidelines. [Of course we've had to put up with so much crap from "fans" that we actually know how to conduct ourselves at a sporting event without throwing the coaches and players under the bus...just sayin'.....] Emma is still the diva in our family. [In fact, last week I caught her dancing between the spindles (uh..hum poles) on the end of her bed...IN HER UNDERWEAR and tshirt]. Gabe is all about the frightening fours. The boy is going to be the death of me and he really doesn't care.
Work is well...work. Craig and I are still teaching. He moved to the Academy this year and he seems to be enjoying it - he is surrounded by a bunch of women :) And they are good to him. [I know that because otherwise I would hear about it.] He is looking forward to softball season this year and it will be much nicer that we live so close to the field. I have enjoyed my year with a new group of 8th graders. But you know, 8th graders really do some weirdo things....just trust me on that one.
We've been busy preparing for this Christmas season. We've managed to go broke trying to purchase Christmas for four kids. I mean I do not live with Scrooge. Now the man will chop off MY fingers as restitution for going over-budget but we let it all fly at Christmas.
So as you can see, we've had a fantastic year! We look forward to a wonderfully awesome and magical 2011!!
Love,
The Shorts
I mean really, when I go back and read it I don't even care about what I did this year so why would anyone else? I don't mean to step on your toes if you want to tell us how Little Johnny was elected his third grade class president and that you have joined the tennis club but honestly we don't care. I work hard to raise four kids, be a good wife, and a good mother [and I'm not sure how effective I am but I try] and there is just no way that life is as perfect as the little Christmas newsletter makes it out to be. Maybe I am way too sarcastic...maybe I am mean....or maybe..I. just don't care to hear. Just send me a Christmas card and we'll all be happy :)
Life as a Short [sans the newsletter] is good as always :)
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