Front Porches

I arrived home yesterday afternoon to a complaining husband [as if Short's complaining is news to anyone....especially me]. His complaint was that we HAD to get a new mattress and it had to be right then. [Now, correct me if I'm wrong but does one just all of a sudden HAVE to have a new mattress? I mean, if your mattress spontaneously combusts then yes, there would be a need for a new mattress. But an aching back does not require a new mattress...does it?] I knew that his back had been hurting for a while but yesterday was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back [Or the mattress that broke Craig's back] and so we were off to shop for a new mattress.

Shopping for a mattress is an interesting experience. It's not like shopping for other furniture: a chair or a sofa you can simply sit on, a kitchen table you can sit at but a mattress requires a little more work. You have to lay down on the it [and with other people watching, that is just weird] and make sure you like it. And with Craig that was even more weird because he said, "You can't just lay back on it so lay like you do when you are sleeping." [First of all, I'm in a room full of strange people so laying on this mattress is going to be nothing like it is when I am sleeping...unless I sleep in a room full of strange people!!!!!] So he made me turn on my side and lay there a minute. Then entire time I am thinking, "How many people before me, that actually laid down on this exact bed, actually bathed before shopping for a new mattress? Or even bathed in the last two days? Or two weeks? I am so going to get the cooties while shopping for a mattress."

Fast forward to last night, when we arrived home with the new mattress. We had to move the old mattress out to put the new one in [and some of you are now thinking, "Thank you Captain Obvious"] and of course, like any good redneck, we moved the old one to our front porch. No, no - no time to put in on the back of the truck last night - we just left it on the front porch. We finally decided to take it to the dump at around 12:30pm today.

So that made me think about riding by houses and seeing all kinds of crap sitting on other folks front porches. What possess a person to just say, "Hell, we need a new fridge so we'll just put the old one on the front porch and leave it." [Maybe I'm the only one that thinks about these things.] If something breaks or needs fixin' then surely there are other places to put things besides the front porch. [I'm not trying to be judgemental or condescending or any of those other fancy things....well, maybe I am trying for a little sarcasm here....] I mean we could've left our mattress sitting there for three or four days [or weeks...or years] but why would we? Just seems like a little bit of laziness to not just haul away your old furniture or appliances [or trash]. I don't live in a fancy smancy house in an ultra swanky neighborhood and leaving the old mattress on the porch for over 12 hours was slightly embarassing [and a lot redneck].

For the record, Short's back didn't hurt quite as bad this am...thank goodness. And if you rode by my house and saw a mattress on the front porch rest assured we did finally move it. Wishing all of you an awesome [and a clutter free front porch] for 2011.

Twenty Eleven Peeps

So I've been thinking about my "goals" for 2011. I put those in quotes because they are not really goals as much as they are things that I either need to do or want to do [or is it need to want to do or want to need to do?] Actually, there are some things that I have wanted to do for a very long time but I didn't do them yet. I've really been thinking about how old I am getting - I guess it is the fact that Molly will be 15 on Thursday that's making me feel old [That and the grey hair that just refuses to stay colored no matter how very hard I try]. Of course, I'm not that old...I do have a 4 year old too. [That could account for the grey hair problem].

I choose not to call this a bucket list [I'm not ready to kick the bucket just yet]. Just a list of short term and long term goals for me. I am thinking that maybe a little bit of organization in my life would help out [plus I'll stop showing up late for appointments or on the wrong day altogether. I do realize there are calendars out there for that sort of thing but you have to buy one for them to work. I've begged for a secretary and Craig keeps saying no....]

1. Read the Bible all the way through, from beginning to end. [I read it and have read most of it but not straight through.]
2. Start a women's bible study. [Actually working on one right now and it will start in January. It is called Made to Crave and we'll be learning how to turn to God instead of food. Hit me up here or via email if you want to join.]
3. Do another triathlon. [My mom has already signed Summer and I up for the Ramblin' Rose in Charlotte. Summer, Molly, and I want to do one in Atlanta in May. I've got to start swimming again - Uuugghhhh!!!]
4. Read the Harry Potter series. I saw the latest movie and it has intrigued me to learn the why and the how.
5. Lose weight...as in big time lose weight. As in, get back to high school [or at least pre-babies weight] weight and stop being the "big girl".
6. Start hiking [Ambitious for me but Cooper keeps asking me so we'll start.]
7. Volunteer somewhere and give of my time.
8. Learn yoga [I know there are classes at the Y but I'm chicken to join b/c I'm not limber, coordinated, or rhythmic at all.]
9. Take a photography class. [I have at least 2000 pictures on my computer and I bet that 1900 of them are blurry, or the flash is too bright or not bright enough, or something.]

I look forward to the new year but I can't complain about 2010. God has been so good to us and blessed us in so many ways this past year. I have so many aspirations for my family and for our future. My prayer for each of you is that your goals and dreams do come true this new year

"Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Practice wellness. Listen hard. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is."

Nothing Better ♥

I am convinced that there is nothing better than being a part of this family. This family being those of us here at Fulton Drive, the Byrums, the Shorts, and the friends that I call family. God has truly, truly blessed us in ways I could have never, ever imagined. What better way to spend Jesus' birthday than with family...Gabe's been Spiderman all day long, Emma has baked cupcakes with her new baking set, Cooper's worn all of his clothes and jerseys, and Molly used her DQ Blizzard Maker to compliment dessert. Nana, Paw Paw, and Mimi came over for a fabulous Christmas dinner. And I am married to the most amazing man in the world :) What more could a girl ask for?

From my family to yours I hope you've had a Very Merry Christmas.

Missy ♥

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Ever want to just write something really absurd? [Some of you are saying all of my writing is absurd...] I heard Twas the Night Before Christmas on TV and it made me want to write my own version...enjoy.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, except maybe a mouse

[I don't like to vacuum and Gabe makes a mess

So the mouse is attracted to the crumbs under the bar is my guess]

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

And the littlest Shorties got Christmas cuts on their hair.

Molly, Cooper and Emma were nestled, all snug in their beds

But Gabe likes to sleep wherever he lays his head.

And Craig with his breathing machine and me in my zebra pants

Had just settled to bed when we heard quite a rant.

When from the kitchen their arose such a clatter

And I waited to hear the sound of glass shatter.

Craig jumped from his slumber and tore off his mask

[And if you've seen that thing that's no easy task]

Upon entering the kitchen we saw Santa himself

And peering from behind a tiny little elf.

[Now I was amazed to see the jolly old man

And then I wondered what I drank in that Sundrop can]

"You are not real....Santa is a fake."

"Well you see me don't you?" he said as he ate some cake.

I rubbed my eyes and shut them tight.

Should I be alarmed at this crazy sight?

Santa began to pull large toys from his sack

And then Craig took a huge step back.

I happened to see that Santa's little elf

Could have easily stood on top of a shelf.

Now if you know Craig then you know his greatest fear,

He is extremely afraid when midgets are near.

"Santa I believe that you are real and true.

But that midget's got to go - I thought you knew."

Santa peered from inside the big red sack,

[And Santa really needs a belt - we saw his crack]

"Now Craig, he is simply one of my tiny friends from the shop"

"I know" said Craig, "But his tiny fingers and big head I want to chop."

So Santa bid his elf to sit in his sleigh

And Craig was thankful that he got his way.

Now back to Santa's sack full of goodies.

"I'm not sure have some for you...wait! Here are some new hoodies!"

"There are shoes, clothes, and presents galore.

And I am pretty sure that isn't it...there is more."

Craig and I were amazed - this absolutely could not be real

Then we heard Santa say loud and clear, "Here is your bill!"

"I expect payment in full by December 26th

Otherwise next year there will be nothing but sticks!"

And with a loud sinister laugh Santa jumped out of sight

Craig and I examined the bill and pondered our plight...

"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up it's Christmas morning"

"Seriously Mommy, get up and stop all that snoring!"

I woke from my slumber to find Emma in my face

And Craig, sleeping soundly, on the bed in his space.

I thought about Santa...could it all have been a dream?

I was sure it was real but things are not always what they seem.

"Mommy let's go see if Santa came to our house last night!"

So I woke up Craig and he fumbled for the light.

We walked very slowly, all six of us to the living room

Craig looked at me and said I looked like gloom and doom.

I found the gifts from the encounter with the man in the red suit.

I even saw a print....left from a big, black boot!!!

I realized just then that Santa had been here.

[And the episode wasn't caused by drinking too much beer.]

However the detailed bill from Santa, given the night before

Was not to be found...it existed no more.

That part was a dream but the meeting with Santa was real.

And even the elf on the shelf had been the real deal.

I didn't dare tell Craig- he already thinks I'm crazy.

And I spent the rest of my day, with my kids, being lazy.

So enjoy your Christmas and the festivities of the season.

But always remember that Jesus is the reason.

[I hope that all of enjoy Christmas with family and friends...

Now my poem will come to an end.]

And I heard Santa say, as he drove out of sight

"Missy's bedhead is really a mess and it gave me a fright!"

Merry Christmas!! Life as a Short is good is wonderfully awesome this Christmas season :)

And born unto, this day, in the City of David, a Savior which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: You should find the babe, wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And suddenly, there was with the angel, a multitude of heavenly host, praising God and saying:

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. Luke 2:11-14

A Christmas Newsletter

Several years ago [Before Emma was born] I decided to write a newsletter from the Short family. It was just after my 10 year class reunion so I'm not sure if I was trying to further explain the last ten years of my life [As if ANYONE but me cared] or if I wanted to try to impress the folks I saw at the reunion [Why was I worried about impressing these people I will never know....but that is for another, way more sarcastic blog]. Of course, Craig made fun of my newsletter and I never wrote another. Fast forward to last year and just before Christmas, when I got an idea to write another Christmas newsletter from the Short family. Of course sarcasm got the best of me and it ended up being a joke between Craig and me. This year I decided to try my hand at the whole newsletter thing again but I wanted to try it out on you first....

[DISCLAIMER: If you are 1. easily offended by sarcasm 2. a person who sends a Christmas newsletter 3. both 1 and 2 then maybe you want to now Google "Free MS Publisher Templates for Christmas Newletters"]

Dear Friends and Family,
What a fantastic year for the Shorts! Since last Christmas we have relocated - TWICE! Well, four times if you count the neverending storage bins full of junk that we managed to string out until about 3 weeks ago. Our first residence was in a quaint little apartment complex just on the other side of Shelby. While this put us closer to Kings Mountain, it also put our lives in danger. Aside from the grotesque mold growing in the back of our closet [which was about 3in deep but nearly 25ft in length] we are quite certain that the people above us vacuumed ALL of their carpet up while living above us, at all hours of the night. Our visit [notice there is no s on that word] to the apartment pool left us feeling that a shower was necessary and that we should enroll in the witness protection program. To say that Dueling Banjos was heard nightly is an understatement and I saw more Budweiser trucker hats than I care to remember. And, just as we moved out, a strange cat with this lady moved in next to us. Thank goodness we were able to get into our house....the banjos were getting closer and closer.

Molly started high school this year, Cooper is in his last year at the intermediate school, Emma is in first grade, and Gabe is still in daycare. [Yes, because paying daycare for 13 straight years is something that some of you only dream of doing]. The kids are well and keep us busier than ever. [Pretty sure here is where I should insert how wonderfully smart they are, how they are on their way to being Rhodes Scholars, and how we are doing the braces things on the oldest two.] We spend a lot of time laughing and spending time together. Of course, we were Craig's biggest fans during football season this year. [Unfortunately I had to have a word of prayer with more than one "fan" and a few people from across the creek via Facebook.] Cooper's team made it to the championship game. [And then picked the wrong day to play crappy] Molly switched softball teams [thank goodness is all I'll say about that one]. We stay pretty busy...but we love every minute of it! [Insert eye rolls and words like "PUH-LEASE" and "Yeah, right" at this point. I would LOVE one afternoon of laying on the couch and watching Oprah instead of taking a kid somewhere to play something.] I am glad they are involved in sports and Craig and I enjoy being the parents on the sidelines. [Of course we've had to put up with so much crap from "fans" that we actually know how to conduct ourselves at a sporting event without throwing the coaches and players under the bus...just sayin'.....] Emma is still the diva in our family. [In fact, last week I caught her dancing between the spindles (uh..hum poles) on the end of her bed...IN HER UNDERWEAR and tshirt]. Gabe is all about the frightening fours. The boy is going to be the death of me and he really doesn't care.

Work is well...work. Craig and I are still teaching. He moved to the Academy this year and he seems to be enjoying it - he is surrounded by a bunch of women :) And they are good to him. [I know that because otherwise I would hear about it.] He is looking forward to softball season this year and it will be much nicer that we live so close to the field. I have enjoyed my year with a new group of 8th graders. But you know, 8th graders really do some weirdo things....just trust me on that one.

We've been busy preparing for this Christmas season. We've managed to go broke trying to purchase Christmas for four kids. I mean I do not live with Scrooge. Now the man will chop off MY fingers as restitution for going over-budget but we let it all fly at Christmas.

So as you can see, we've had a fantastic year! We look forward to a wonderfully awesome and magical 2011!!

Love,

The Shorts

I mean really, when I go back and read it I don't even care about what I did this year so why would anyone else? I don't mean to step on your toes if you want to tell us how Little Johnny was elected his third grade class president and that you have joined the tennis club but honestly we don't care. I work hard to raise four kids, be a good wife, and a good mother [and I'm not sure how effective I am but I try] and there is just no way that life is as perfect as the little Christmas newsletter makes it out to be. Maybe I am way too sarcastic...maybe I am mean....or maybe..I. just don't care to hear. Just send me a Christmas card and we'll all be happy :)

Life as a Short [sans the newsletter] is good as always :)

Stop! Collaborate and Listen

So tonight I ventured to Wal-Mart [A. I love torture B. We really needed groceries C. All of the above] along with 4,289 other people from the big CC. I grabbed a cart and upon pushing it through the throngs of people I realized all were staring at me. [Yes, my beauty is head turning but I had it toned down a bit tonight. Why are you laughing?] They were staring because I managed to grab the LOUDEST cart in Wal-Mart. With every push the left back wheel skipped, causing the entire cart to rattle. As I was picking out Ibuprofen I am fairly certain the folks in the pharmacy were laughing at me. I grabbed the Old Spice deodorant and enormous bottle of Equate ibuprofen and headed for the door. [No...I was not going to shop lift.....I stopped doing that years ago...well, a year ago...] I grabbed another cart and this one, too, was loud enough to wake the dead [or at least get the attention of the self-check clerk] . I walked back and got a third cart, threw my loot in there and went upon my merry [and much quieter] way.


Cooper got a set of drums for his birthday. [No, we don't have a mean-spirited person who is trying to get back at us. The child has asked for them for his birthday or Christmas for the past four years so Paw Paw finally gave in and bought them.] He's actually not too bad for a complete rookie. It's funny to watch Gabe and Emma dance while he's playing. I am quite sure the honeymoon will wear off and I'll be ready to kill him for playing them but for now we are good. It was even funnier to see Craig playing them [Pretty fly for a white guy :)]


So we're driving down the road just over a week ago and BAM! out of nowhere this idiot hits us on the passenger's side. He ran a stop sign and plowed into the front of my car. He got out, shouted to us to see if everyone is OK then HE DROVE OFF. That's right...but his sorry, narrow behind back in his car and left me and two kids with our car standing in the middle of the road. [Not to mention he yelled something very ugly out the car door as he drove by. Bad enough he hit us but now he's cussing us out!] Surpisingly, I stayed fairly calm [Not going to lie, I can have a mouth like a sailor when I get that angry. I am not proud of that but it is the truth. I am working on it....] and I didn't get upset at the time. Now, the more I think about it the madder it makes me. [And don't think that I haven't driven ALL over KM looking for a wrecked, older model black Lexus because I'm going to find him. As my dad would say, "I'm going to get some satisfaction."]


Doing well at the Y and even talked Short into going with me. We go around 8 and work out from 8 - 9 [because no one is in there to see me!!!] . I like the treadmill and have actually done really well on it so far. I really enjoy going - thanks again to whomever thought enough about me to get me going...you are a wonderfully kind person!!


Our sermon at church today was about doing what you should do to draw closer to God and stop being an obstacle to all of the wonderful things God wants to do in your life. One thing Brother Chip touched on was to stop making excuses, then he made reference to make excuses for being late. [And if you know me then you realize that I have what is termed chronic lateness....as in early is not in my vocabulary...as in neither is on time...most of the time fashionably late also gets the boot. Ask my parents and my sister - they don't count me ever being somewhere when I say I'm going to be there.] Then Brother Chip made the statement that put it all in perspective: If you are late then you are incompetent and lack control over your life. WOW..as in, GET OFF MY TOES kind of statement. I know Craig was snickering to himself and Cooper wa staring holes through my head. Ok, so I've been late a few [million] times...I'm a busy person. But incompetent? Lack control over my life? But it is true and was sort of a wake up call. I can do better. I will do better. I will stop making excuses and blaming others. [I will wake up @ 6am instead of 6:30am.]



As always, life as a Short is LOUD and AWESOME!

The Griswolds Ain't Got Nuthin' on the Shorts

Some folks get sentimental about Christmas movies like Miracle on 34th Street [Never even seen it] and It's a Wonderful Life [I like Jimmy Stewart but I've never seen the whole movie.] My all time fave Christmas movie is Christmas Vacation. Really...EVERYONE has a Cousin Eddie in their family don't they? In fact, YOU may be the Cousin Eddie in your family. How can you not laugh when Clark comes out to find Eddie emptying the RV's bathroom in the storm drain, in his tiny bathrobe?
"And while you're at it Clark, buy yourself some thing real nice."

"If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn't be any more surprised than I am now."
Gotta love Christmas Vacation....


Isn't it funny how families are so different? For instance, my family [talking the entire, extended family] - we are all so different. Nothing bad about that it's just that when we are all together the differences don't matter - we enjoy one anothers company and we enjoy being together. So like the Griswolds there are some quirky folks [Ask anyone in my family - I am probably one of them.] and there are some that are a little on the redneck [Cousin Eddie] side [again, probably one of the Shorties]. That is why I love Christmas and family...and we shouldn't wait to see them only once a year.


My kids love [duh...they are kids] Christmas. As in my last post, the Christmas lists at my house get longer and longer. And the annual Christmas card is almost ready. [My kids LOVE (hint of extreme sarcasm there) the annual Christmas picture.] Molly's eye rolling should be caught on camera :) Cooper cannot stand pictures. Of course Emma [the picture hound] loves pictures. And we cannot get Gabe still enough to snap a picture. But, when Mom wants a picture then Mom's going to get a picture - SMILE.....Merry Christmas!!


As always, life as a Shortie [er, Griswold] could not be better :)

Mommy I Have One More Thing to Add to My List

As most of you know, I have four awesome children. [I mean really, with a mom like me they can't help but be awesome now can they? I give zero credit to Craig.] Each year, as most parents do, we ask them to submit a list of things they would like for Christmas. Emma and Gabe love to get the huge Toy 'R Us add that comes around Halloween and look at it over and over and over again. Of course, Gabe wants everything, Emma wants all the girlie stuff - between the two of them they circled nearly everything in the book!!

This year, since Emma's in the first grade and loves writing, she wanted to write her own list. It took her about an hour...and once you see the list you will understand why:
1. iPad [If I ain't gettin' one she ain't neither...just sayin']
2. iPod [Yes, the letter "I" is significant to the Diva]
3. Case for both the iPad and iPod [She covered everything!!!]
4. Zoo! Zoo! pets [That would be Zhu Zhu]
5. Ariel vanity set
6. Nintendo DS
7. Nintendo DS games
8. Wii games for girls [She is such a DIVA]
9. Barbie Jet
10. Barbie stuff
11. Barbie camera
12. Barbies
13. Crayons, markers, and other art stuff [Because the 4,689 markers, crayons, and colored pencils that are currently floating around our house are not enough]
14. Pocketbooks [She takes after her momma]
15. Rainboots
16. puzzles
17. Games
18. Baby Alive All Gone [She's got a baby brother - what does she need with a baby doll that pees and poops?]
Every few days she adds things to the list. I hope Santa has patience and a wad of cash!!

Gabe's list was short and sweet:
1. Mans [Like action figures...and again, he's got 679 already]
2. Cars [He also has 8,647 of these]
3. A Batman Cave [Hey, if Christian Bale comes with it I am all over that one!!!]
4. Baseball hat, baseball glove, baseball bat, and a baseball suit [Funny, he didn't ask for the baseball.]
Of course when he's watching TV or in the store he wants EVERYTHING he sees.

I had to pry Cooper's list out of him [and it's written on a napkin] :
1. Oregon attire [The boy lives 3000 miles from Oregon, lives in the backyard of some truly awesome college football, and has never been to Oregon yet he's the Ducks biggest fan.]
2. Under Armour
3. Skull candy headphones [Old school that cost about 28 times more than a set of regular headphones]
4. Jerseys - LeBron James, Kareem Abdul Jabaar [How does he know him?], and a Miami Heat. [He wants the authentic ones too. Is "Santa" made of money or what?]
5. Drums
6. Wii Games
7. High top Zigs [Why didn't I come up with Silly Bandz and squiggly bottomed Reeboks? Where is the justice in this world?]
8. Boots

And finally, Molly Moo [Who is the hardest kid to buy for because she never has liked the stuff most kids like - go figure.]
1. Under Armour [Really? We keep them in business.]
2. Books [I love, love, love the fact that books are always on her list - that's my girl]
3. Music [She would be happy with $600 worth of iTunes gift cards]
4. Clothes [She was extremely specific about what she wanted and from where...she kills me...no surprising her!!!]
5. Camera

Needless to say, we have our work cut out for us. Good thing I live with Santa. [You thought his name was Craig but this time of year the budget Nazi throws caution to the wind and actually relishes spending every last dime. I wish I could get a little of that love when I mention I saw some cool boots on sale.] The man loves him some Christmas shopping. He is the happiest man on Christmas Eve when it's time to get the loot and put it out...I love it!! Just one more thing that I adore about being married to him ♥

This is what I want for Christmas:
1. Time in the kitchen to bake for teachers, at church and school, friends, and family
2. The smells of cinnamon and cloves cooking on the stove
3. To bake with my girls, my mom, and my sister
4. Breakfast at my parents house for Christmas Eve
5. To have paper thrown at me by Greg and Dewayne at Aunt Clara's house
6. Gifts that sit under the tree and tease the children [And Craig - he's worse than any of them about gifts - TRUST ME!]
7. Carollers at my house
8. New PJs from my mom ♥
9. The love and hugs of my children and my husband ♥
10. Several nights of Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story
Last but no least....
11. Joy [And there is a lot of that here already....God is so good]
It really is the most wonderful time of the year ♥