Sa-Furry Rides and Jack A**

This past Friday Emma, Gabe, and I headed to Hollywild Animal Park [or, as I affectionately named it HollyPoop Animal Poop Park] for her final Kindergarten field trip. If you've never been there before......SAVE YOUR MONEY...what a dump...or should I say there's a lot of "dump" and it is EVERYWHERE! Duck poop, goat poop, peacock poop, giant tortoise poop, and bird poop - littering the ground. My Gabe does not watch where he is going anyway so you can imagine my terror as he runs, throwing caution to the wind, through the animals that wander around this place. Of course, it wouldn't be a trip to the zoo if some animals weren't, ummm, having "relations" with each other. [If you need help with that one then you need help.] At least we didn't have to watch them "fight" too long before some other nasty, ill-kept, tired animal caught the attention of my children as I dodged the poop to follow them. OMG - Don't even get me started on the bathrooms - I think the animals had better digs than we did...I was afraid I'd contracted some viral or better yet, fungal infection by simply walking into the crappy [no pun intended] bathrooms. There wasn't enough soap or hand sanitizer around to wash off that filth- zoo or bathroom. As if the poop and filth wasn't enough, check out this little tid bit of info: The place where you buy a small bottle of goat kool-aid [don't ask] and feed for the ducks [yes, the ones that poop EVERYWHERE] is also the SAME place where you can purchase snacks for YOURSELF - what the
h *&%? Emma and Gabe wanted to buy a snack and I would've felt better picking up a solid piece of duck poop and feeding it to them.

Apparently one of the amazing parts of this trip is the safari ride. Now, seriously, do you expect me to believe there is a safari in the middle of Nowhere, I mean Inman, South Carolina? This was more like a trip through someone's pasture, with random animals placed along a road ALONG WITH a bunch of crap [again, no pun intended] that one might find at a junk yard. A small area was set aside for the elusive Christmas floats - glad they didn't escape. Not only where we acosted by small goats and ducks in the park but on the the safari [Sa-Furry as Emma continues to call it] we were licked by large, fly infested animals. All I remember is being told NOT to touch their horns [which, incidentally, was the VERY last thing on my mind....not being eaten was absolutely first]. I also found it a little scary and a bit strange that this one ostrich kept following our Sa-Furry bus [aka SC school bus painted to resemble a zebra]. Then, we passed a nice green pond that appeared to be the great kingdom of the mosquito. So, if someone approaches you and ask you to go to Hollywild Animal Park with them, respectfully decline, fake choking on a french fry, or run quickly in the opposite direction.

Friday afternoon [after the amazingly awful trip to Hollypoop Wild Animal Poop Park] we were all piled in the car, coming home from school, and I was trying to get on 74 from KM...except a man in the lane beside the exit ramp would not move into the far lane. I ran out of exit ramp before he moved and in my distaste for his lack of driving skills I called him a jackass. [I know I just got some "I-can't-believe-she-says-that-in-front-of-her-kids" sighs and eye rolls from some readers out there] Of course, the one in the car listening is none other than...yes, you guessed it, Gabriel. And what does he say? "Goodbye jackass!" Oh well, I'd dodged poop all day...what do you expect?

Emma has decided that when she gets to kiss a boy [I know that is a shocker for some of you that know Emma] that she's going to ask him if he wants to tango. What in the world will I do when she turns 13? Oh my....

As always...life in the parpartment is good...and the duct taped toilet is holding up.

Missy ♥