Where Do All the Socks Go?

I have become my Granny.  [No, I don't own a polyester wardrobe...yet.]  I reheated leftover coffee the other night and Craig said, "I am married to Myrtle Towery." I just wanted one cup and we don't own one of those fancy Keurig machines.  Nope...only the best for us.  We own a $10 coffee pot from Roses. [Yes, Roses from days gone by. Now if  Sky City and Tastee Freeze would come to the KM that would be sweet.]  Desperate times call for desperate measures and when the coffee pot broke the Roses came through.  [I will say that I use it then I unplug it for fear it will overheat or blow up.  What do you expect?  I only paid $10 for it.]  The iron also came from there and it works.....like it came from Roses.  I guess we should be thankful that it doesn't spit water that resembles urine all over our clothes like the other iron.  The downside?  It's really debatable if it can actually be called an iron or if we should call it an iron-shaped-piece-of-metal-that-heats-up-but-does-nothing-for-the-wrinkles-in-your-pants-at-7:30am-on-a-Monday-morning-thingy.  I guess quasi-iron will do.

There is a thief around here.  He [could be a she] lives in our house.  This thief really loves my socks.  I'm not sure why my socks are the favorite but I do know that any pair that I might have has gone AWOL.  I know Craig, Cooper, and Gabe aren't not the sock stealers. [Craig doesn't even like white socks] so that leaves Emma and Molly.  Emma has an issue with socks that don't fit properly.  [Emma has issues with a lot of clothing items.  She doesn't like shirts that have any kind of hem or stitching on them that actually touches her.  And smocking or elastic in a shirt? Forget it....she'd rather go naked.]  So.....that leaves only Molly.  I would blame her since she and I wear the same size shoes except for one thing - she can't find any socks either.  She's raiding my sock drawer on a daily basis.  That can only mean one thing - the KM Police need to be lookin' for a thief wearing white, no-show socks...and lots of them.  Really? Are we eating them?  Now, before I answer that question ['cause you know I have an answer] let me tell you about an interesting experience I had just this week.  A few nights ago I wanted some coffee [from my $10 coffee pot] so I go to my trusty cabinet and what do I find behind the coffee?  A HALLOWEEN SOCK!!!  What in the world?  It's a kitchen cabinet!! An overhead kitchen cabinet for that matter...why is there a Halloween sock in there?  At this point, be it the over abundance of caffeine that I've already pumped my kidneys full of today or the fact that I'm past the point of no return [aka one laugh from white coats and padded rooms] I begin to think, "Hmmmm.  Should I continue looking, in the KITCHEN CABINETS, for more socks?"  [The thought NEVER crossed my mind to question why, behind my donut shop coffee, there would be a sock.]  To my dismay, I didn't come across any more socks in the kitchen.  And, I'm still not quite sure why that orange sock with white ghosts is sitting next to the decaf tea and coffee.  In this house anything goes [including lack of common sense, sleeping where you fall, and cheap appliances] and that's the way we like it. [Yes, that is a subliminal KC and Sunshine Band reference.]

I've started couponing [is that an action?] and I must say it is addictive. [Not addictive like chocolate or Lizard Lick Towing but close.]  I've never watched that extreme couponing show and my goal is not to have 450 sticks of Secret deodorant, 300 boxes of macaroni, and 67 boxes of Tampons but I would like to save some serious money when buying groceries.  I spent $5 [What could that Lincoln have purchased at the Roses if a coffee pot only cost $10? I will never know] to take a coupon class.  I did learn some good ideas and got some great info about websites and places to order coupons.  And, in the last two weeks I haven't spent as much money and I have more food.  I just do not have a grasp on exactly how to save the HUGE bucks.  This lady that did the class said her grocery bill went from $170 - $215 to now, less than $75 a week. [And you know when I told the budget Nazi all of this that he actually danced a jig - I swear.]  I bought the paper a few weeks ago, cut the coupons, and saved a total of [Big drumroll] $3.50.  What?  Are you sure that doesn't say $35.00?  Are you serious?  I spent $3.25 for the papers so I saved a total of $.25?  I could've dug that much out of the couch and saved myself the trouble.  But do I give up? [Well, I did on finding more socks in the kitchen but that isn't the same.]  No...I will overcome and save money.  I am determined.  So determined [I can't believe I am saying this] that I actually paid money for coupons over the internet.  Now  I have an arsenal.  I am ready - and Harris Teeter has double coupons and BO,GO [Buy One, Get One free for those of you not into couponing lingo.  I am dealing with a bunch of rookies I guess....] on lots and lots of food the Shorties like [and we like us some food . I'm even going to a coupon swap next week. [Now I am a dork AND a domestic diva.  What's next - aprons while cooking in heels and supper clubs with the neighbors?]  I just want to have a little bit of extra money for that sexy pair of red heels or the occasional manicure.  I will be heading to HT in the am, armed with coupons, a list, and the anticipation of HUGE savings.  And, if you coupon and want to swap, leave me a message on here or send me an email [pigskinchick@gmail.com].

My Mountaineers and my favorite coach are going to round 2 next week.  Fortunately, we are blessed to be in this position considering the injuries and personnel issues this year.  Unfortunately, we have to play Crest again.  Now, don't get me wrong - I have so much confidence in the Mountaineers' players and coaches.  This might be our year just because this team refuses to give up.  I just hate that we have to play them - again - for the second time in three weeks. [And I should probably stop there before I say too much...I've been known to do that.]

Off to see my sweet girl play some softball tomorrow.  I look forward to a great day with all of the Shorties ♥ As always, life is simply fantastic :)