I Told Her Not to be Climbin' That Roof

I have a new affinity for the grocery store.  [That could be because I have an old affinity for liking food.]  Ask Craig - grocery shopping used to be a CHORE for me.  I hated spending the money to come home with hardly any food.  I cook dinner almost every night [I could make myself look like the super woman I really am but I will confess that some nights it's cereal or pot luck from a can at the Short house] so I used to make a menu, get approval from Craig, make a list, trudge to Shelby to go to Aldi and Wal Mart, and then back home.  I really could not stand it because I knew the outcome - a lot of money for a little bit of food.  Then....I discovered....COUPONS!! Woooo hoooo!! [I don't have much to get excited about so oblige me please.]  Last week it was $290 worth of groceries for $138 and this week it was $213 for $115.  Not too shabby  - in two weeks I've saved about $240.  Plus, my family is jumping for joy because there's extra food for snacking :)  [Again, we don't have a lot but we have good meals around here.]

So, the other night I had to go to Food Lion to get some cupcake holders to make cupcakes for Gabe to take to nursery for his birthday.  [The sweet monster made it to the age of five - bless him.]  As I was walking to the baking aisle I overhear someone talking, very loudly.  Follow me as I tell the story of an obviously hard of hearing older lady with a serious attitude.  I will refer to her as OL [old lady] and I am going to infer what I believe her friend on the other line might be saying as PF [poor fellow] The following conversation, though paraphrased for you, was spoken extremely loudly:

OL: Well she said her pictures were wet, and her couch was wet, and her floor was wet, and blah, blah, blah.
PF: Hmmm...why would they be wet?
OL: Well that's what I said.  To be honest, I think she's crazy.  You know how she is.
PF: Yes, I do.
OL: I know you do.  We've been knowing her a long time. 
PF: Why did she call you?
OL: I asked her the same thing!  I told her that I didn't climb no roofs.  I told her that was your job.  I couldn't tell her what was wrong with her roof.  You know if you ask me [but I 'm not sure that PF acutally asked her] I think she's losing her mind.  You know she needed to get something done to the tag with her car and I told her so. [I am thinking, to myself of course, "I bet you did."] Well, she didn't and now she's in trouble with the tag place and she can't drive until she gets it straight.  But I told her and she said I didn't.  I tell you she is losing her mind.
PF: [I can only assume that by now PF is either asleep or close to stabbing himself in the eye with a pencil.  I know I was read to stab myself.]  Well I'm not at home.
OL: You are not at home?  Well I shouldn't have told her to call you.  I guess you can't handle it tonight.  She told me she was going to climb up there and check it herself.  You know what I told her? [Nope, but I bet you are going to tell us.] I told her not to be climbin' that roof. 
PF: Tell her to call me tomorrow.
OL: When I get off her I will call and tell her that.

Lessons that we can gleen from this conversation:
1. You don't want this man to fix your roof.
2. You don't want to tell this woman ANYTHING.
3. If you are hard of hearing and are having a long, drawn out conversation where you talking about some one then DON'T have that conversation while shopping.

Incidentally, I have a story that goes along with this one.  My Granny was once found on top of her roof. [Yes, we took care of her...just follow me.]  She was always concerned about leaves clogging up the gutters and she didn't want to ask anyone to check them.....sooooo....she climbed up on the house herself to clean out the gutters.  If I remember the story correctly, Rube Long drove by and called my Aunt Polly [whole 'nother blog], who then called my Grandmother and Paw Paw.  I think the following was said:
Aunt Polly: Betty, Rube just drove by Myrtle's house and Myrtle's on the roof.
Grandmother: Well my Lord! [as she yelled to my Paw Paw] Gene!  Mother's on the roof!  Lord, we've got to get over there.
Paw Paw: #@&^(*&!!
[Now I wasn't there but I am 100% positive my Paw Paw said that but it was way more colorful!!]

My Granny was a Saint - no doubts - but she kept us in stitches [and Little Debbie cakes].  I sure do miss her.  I miss my Grandmother too.  I miss my Granny Ferguson's 6am phone calls to say, "What do you know?" I miss my Paw Paw's Old Spice smell and perfectly combed hair.  Word of advice for those of you that don't visit your grandparents much - they will not be around forever so spend as much time as you can with them now. Trust me. All they want is your time and your love. 

As always, life as a Short, is wonderific :)