Things I've Overheard While Hanging at the Hospital

To be honest, I am bored senseless.  Hopefully, now that things are "moving" [at this point, the man truly doesn't care that you know anything about his bowels...he is proud] we get to leave at some point today. He is ready to be home.  I am ready to be home.  Send us home!!

I have been all over this hospital these last four days.  I am a people watcher. Nowadays, because of cell phones, people just talk all the time. [And I have been listening...]

On the morning of surgery [at approximately 6ish] I overhear this one:
Well, they are gonna bust up them stones and clean his prostrate [that would be prostate but I'm no doctor] out.  You know, he's been peeing too much for a while now.

In the cafeteria:
Girl 1:  Well I told him he better take me out to dinner tonight since tomorrow is our anniversary.  He has to work tomorrow night on a 24 hour shift.
Girl 2: Are ya'll still together?  
Girl 1: Yes, we are still married. He is working on it and I think he means it this time.  He better mean it.
[None of my business but since you weren't trying to hide the conversation maybe if she'd stop demanding that "he better" she'd be a little more content.]

Girl 3: How was this weekend?  Are you engaged?
Girl 4: It was great.  Yes and no to the engagement.
[I don't mean to go tellin' tales out of school but you are either engaged or not engaged aren't you?]

On our floor:
Doctor in another room as we walked in the hall:  Well it seems your urine is growing something new this time.
[I am sad their urine is growing something but that one made me chuckle.]

Woman from housekeeping to another housekeeping person:  Yeah.  I was on time this morning.  I swear..here at 5am.  And you know, when I got here a "person" [complete with quotes in the air] was all holed up in that nurses lounge with that little computer.  But, you know, to each their own.

Girl in the hall with her phone on speaker: Well you know how she is...she loves to cause problems and make everything about her.  
[Unfortunately we had to turn so I couldn't hear the response from the phone. I am terrible.  Being bored will do these things to a person.]

My personal favorite...the elevator:
Woman [speaking to me]: It feels so much better in this elevator.  It is freezing in my room.  Tomorrow I will bring pants to wear.
[Side note:  I walked behind her from the cafeteria. Her shorts were so low that I saw a good 2 inches of crack.  It does kill.  Crack kills.]
Me [speaking to her, as she exited the elevator]: Don't forget your belt....