Cutting Losses

Whew...what a lazy summer I have had.  [And my being lazy this summer is different  than my being lazy some other time?]  I have so enjoyed sleeping late, staying up late, no make up [sorry if you've seen me like this], and just spending time with the Shorties.

Cutting losses?  What's up with that? Well....let me 'splain.  [Disclaimer: I won't go into loads of detail to protect those involved but you should get the picture.]

Sometimes people say things about your children and it catches you off guard - good and bad.  I've had people tell me things about my children and in my mind I am thinking, "You cannot be talking about my child in such a positive light.  You must be on crack."  Other times my thoughts are something like this, "Do you realize that I am crazy and I will cut you?  Word."  My last post was about not being "that mom" because I don't want to always fight their battles or get involved - especially the older two. But sometimes it is necessary to step in or take a stand for my children.

I hate confrontation, especially with people I am friends with or am close too. Some people thrive on being defensive and questioning everything but I don't at all. [My dad would probably disagree because I think I spent several years doing those things but we aren't asking him right now.  This is my blog.]  I am a pleaser - I really, really, really want to keep everyone happy with me.

I felt it necessary to step in and defend my child because there are always two sides to every story.

My nerves have been shot.  I mean S.H.O.T.  So bad so that I had an anxiety attack today.

Then I realized something for myself that I often use with my children:  I cannot control how other people react, just as they can't control my reactions.

Was I expecting this to be easy?  No.

Was it easy? No.

Honestly, right now, I feel like there is a huge target on my back.  

I cannot take back anything that was said [the words came from my heart and the tremendous guilt I felt for not standing up for my child sooner] and I don't think I would take them back.  I am not perfect. My child isn't perfect.  But I couldn't stand by and just continue to hear about all of the things that were done wrong by my child.

So I am giving it up.

I am giving it to God.  

It is not my burden any more and I am at peace.  Sometimes [as my favorite coach puts it] its "addition by subtraction" when you cut your losses and move on.   

Who I am does not depend on what they think about me.

And I am good with that.