I don't want to be "that" mom anymore.
[Some of you just let out a silent gasp.] That doesn't mean that I am going to just let my kids feel heartache without intervening. I will be the first to tell you that it has taken a lot of intervention by God and some serious will power [I like to also refer to it as "bigger picture thinking"] when it has come to some of these situations. More often than not I fail miserably at it. [Yes. #loserstatus] I tend to get overly upset with simple situations [but that is just the mom in me] but that doesn't usually make for fun times.
Trying to fix it is not my job. Fixing nachos to go with my delicious salsa is my job. Teaching the periodic table is my job. But fixing broken hearts - that is God's job. My job is to pray for the broken hearts and hurt feelings and grief stricken friends. Why does it take me so long to figure things out? [My daddy has asked that question a million times since my birth.]
I recently wrote about Cooper's broken heart. Looking back, after getting a few weeks away from the situation, I know that God had His hand in this the entire time. My first thought after the break up was that Cooper would be thrust backwards, into that dark abyss of despair, that God brought him out of just a little over a year ago. My tremendous lack of faith only allowed God's light to shine brighter as a beacon to my son. Cooper realized that while his heart was hurting, he was almost relieved to know that he could handle the situation because he could give it all to a power higher than himself. [I have a lot to learn when it comes to my own faith.] And I realized, during all of this, that I can't "fix" situations that happen or don't happen to my children. I can only pray for my children, their friends, their teachers, their future spouses [because the lucky lady that marries Gabe is really going to need the extra prayers], and mostly, that their hearts are alive for Christ. [I promise to work on having faith in every situation but pray for me.]
[I have officially been working on this particular post for 3 days. I am guessing I must have something that someone out there really needs to read or God wouldn't continue to push me to keep typing after I run out of things to say.]
I just came back from an amazing week at MFuge with the youth from our church. All I can say is WOW! I love being a part of the youth. [I mean at 40, they may not want me around, but I love hanging out and worshiping with them...keeps me feeling young.] I was in a social track so we did something different each day in the communities around Greenville.
For me, the day enjoyed the most was the day we worked at a food pantry in Greenville aptly named God's Pantry. Our job was to package food into boxes that would be distributed to needy families. This particular day we were packaging food for a family of four for a week. The items were things like rice, green beans, beef stew, breakfast items, juice, canned fruits, some snacks, etc. As I helped to package the food I was reminded of my own disdain for grocery shopping. It really is one chore I absolutely do not like. Then I felt this strong conviction to pray over an entire pallet of boxes we'd just packaged. After my prayer, I felt like such an amazing jerk. How dare I even think about complaining about shopping for groceries when there are people in this community and my very own community that are denied that privilege. I felt so small and very embarrassed that I have ever even thought about whining over grocery shopping. There are so many here in KM that cannot afford groceries. It may take a chunk of money to feed the Shorties but how good do we have it? Honestly, two boxes of that food wouldn't last two days around here - with two teenagers and the baby goats, not to mention Short. I have prayed for forgiveness and humility. I have also been challenged to help more food insecure families here. It is the least I can do and God has challenged me to step up.
During the week we were able to visit with the elderly in several nursing homes and assisted living centers. We received huge blessings from the residents we visited. My biggest blessing was watching the youth in our track group interacting with these people. It was heartwarming to watch them and see so many smiles. God is so amazing!
I have no doubt that the words that were shared through our amazing speaker, Gary Morgan pierced many hearts [including my own] and definitely convicted us to seek God with all that we are and hope to be. In particular, he spoke one night about giving all of our worries, anxieties, dreams, ideas, thoughts, hopes, etc. to God. I stood there, at my seat, and I asked God to help me do just that - give it all to Him. Really give it to Him. Let's be honest, I'm doing no good trying to do all of this on my own terms. My prayers have truly been to just let it go.
Why is it so hard to give worry and anxiety over to God? Why is it so hard for me? I say I trust Him and I have faith but then by hanging on I am openly admitting I have neither trust nor faith that what He says He will do...that makes me feel like a failure. Prayers are appreciated.
[Some of you have had to be aroused from your slumber to finish reading this ultra long post tonight. I will not apologize. It's my blog. I could type the word "fart" 17,349 times if I wanted to. I might try that one day.]
As always, life as a Short is awesome:)
***Please read this blog. Amazing. Awesome. God is at work. Pray for us, here in America.****
I think you are an amazing woman of God. Thanks for the posts! Gen
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