I confess - I am "that" mom. I get upset when my children are upset. [While it's confession time I must also confess I ate a pint of cookies 'n' cream ice cream yesterday before supper. Judge me.] I do get very irrational angry sometimes. Sometimes I vent to Craig but many times [because he is rational and can see the bigger picture] I keep it inside. I don't tell anyone. Next thing I know, I am still hurting for them, I've eaten 45 pieces of candy, finished a pot of coffee, and it's 3:17am. What has been solved? Nothing [well unless you count the increased inches on my ever expanding waist line]. Nada. Zip. The hurt and anger is still there, my child is still hurting, and I haven't been able to "fix" the problem. I don't want to be "that" mom anymore. [Some of you just let out a silent gasp.] That doesn't mean that I am going to just let my kids feel heartache without intervening. I will be the first to tell you that it has taken a lot of intervention by God and some serious will power [I like to also refer to it as "bigger picture thinking"] when it has come to some of these situations. More often than not I fail miserably at it. [Yes. #loserstatus] I tend to get overly upset with simple situations [but that is just the mom in me] but that doesn't usually make for fun times. Trying to fix it is not my job. Fixing nachos to go with my delicious salsa is my job. Teaching the periodic table is my job. But fixing broken hearts - that is God's job. My job is to pray for the broken hearts and hurt feelings and grief stricken friends. Why does it take me so long to figure things out? [My daddy has asked that question a million times since my birth.] I recently wrote about Cooper's broken heart. Looking back, after getting a few weeks away from the situation, I know that God had His hand in this the entire time. My first thought after the break up was that Cooper would be thrust backwards, into that dark abyss of despair, that God brought him out of just a little over a year ago. My tremendous lack of faith only allowed God's light to shine brighter as a beacon to my son. Cooper realized that while his heart was hurting, he was almost relieved to know that he could handle the situation because he could give it all to a power higher than himself. [I have a lot to learn when it comes to my own faith.] And I realized, during all of this, that I can't "fix" situations that happen or don't happen to my children. I can only pray for my children, their friends, their teachers, their future spouses [because the lucky lady that marries Gabe is really going to need the extra prayers], and mostly, that their hearts are alive for Christ. [I promise to work on having faith in every situation but pray for me.] [I have officially been working on this particular post for 3 days. I am guessing I must have something that someone out there really needs to read or God wouldn't continue to push me to keep typing after I run out of things to say.] I just came back from an amazing week at MFuge with the youth from our church. All I can say is WOW! I love being a part of the youth. [I mean at 40, they may not want me around, but I love hanging out and worshiping with them...keeps me feeling young.] I was in a social track so we did something different each day in the communities around Greenville. For me, the day enjoyed the most was the day we worked at a food pantry in Greenville aptly named God's Pantry. Our job was to package food into boxes that would be distributed to needy families. This particular day we were packaging food for a family of four for a week. The items were things like rice, green beans, beef stew, breakfast items, juice, canned fruits, some snacks, etc. As I helped to package the food I was reminded of my own disdain for grocery shopping. It really is one chore I absolutely do not like. Then I felt this strong conviction to pray over an entire pallet of boxes we'd just packaged. After my prayer, I felt like such an amazing jerk. How dare I even think about complaining about shopping for groceries when there are people in this community and my very own community that are denied that privilege. I felt so small and very embarrassed that I have ever even thought about whining over grocery shopping. There are so many here in KM that cannot afford groceries. It may take a chunk of money to feed the Shorties but how good do we have it? Honestly, two boxes of that food wouldn't last two days around here - with two teenagers and the baby goats, not to mention Short. I have prayed for forgiveness and humility. I have also been challenged to help more food insecure families here. It is the least I can do and God has challenged me to step up. During the week we were able to visit with the elderly in several nursing homes and assisted living centers. We received huge blessings from the residents we visited. My biggest blessing was watching the youth in our track group interacting with these people. It was heartwarming to watch them and see so many smiles. God is so amazing! I have no doubt that the words that were shared through our amazing speaker, Gary Morgan pierced many hearts [including my own] and definitely convicted us to seek God with all that we are and hope to be. In particular, he spoke one night about giving all of our worries, anxieties, dreams, ideas, thoughts, hopes, etc. to God. I stood there, at my seat, and I asked God to help me do just that - give it all to Him. Really give it to Him. Let's be honest, I'm doing no good trying to do all of this on my own terms. My prayers have truly been to just let it go. Why is it so hard to give worry and anxiety over to God? Why is it so hard for me? I say I trust Him and I have faith but then by hanging on I am openly admitting I have neither trust nor faith that what He says He will do...that makes me feel like a failure. Prayers are appreciated. [Some of you have had to be aroused from your slumber to finish reading this ultra long post tonight. I will not apologize. It's my blog. I could type the word "fart" 17,349 times if I wanted to. I might try that one day.] As always, life as a Short is awesome:)
***Please read this blog. Amazing. Awesome. God is at work. Pray for us, here in America.****
I am keeping Step Away Chubby [and some of you just cried] but I need a space for weight loss [yes, I have A LOT to lose]. I created a new blog to chronicle my journey ~ with your help. Please, please, PLEASE pop in and check me out...but keep reading over here at Step Away. Here is the link:
There is a lot going on in my brain right now [and some of you just said, "She has a brain? Huh...whoda thunkit?"] so beware....you've been warned.
Insurance SUCKS. Just in case you didn't hear me....INSURANCE SUCKS. Let me back up and 'splain this situation: Mid-April we begin to notice ants in our bathroom. [Now I do not profess to be the best housekeeper but ants?] I did a little bit of research and found they were probably being attracted to a water source AND/OR rotting wood. [Hmmmm......the assumption is that the bathroom should contain water but not rotting wood...not the case.] Short calls a contractor and long story short, we have a MAJOR problem under the bathroom. In the midst of this discovery we also found a soft spot in the floor [and I don't profess to be a rocket scientist either but I know that a soft spot in the floor of the bathroom ain't a good sign at all] that was being caused by the water problem. So where exactly is the water leaking from and what are we going to do about the problem? Seems no one can tell us for sure where the water is leaking from - could be the tub, sink, or toilet - but the answer is not clear until we tear it out to fix the problem.
Allow me to ask you a question [it's my blog and I can do what I want - I don't really need your permission] and see what you think about our predicament: If the floor is rotting and in danger of collapsing and said leak is coming from somewhere but no one is sure should that be covered by homeowner's insurance? [The same company that we've had for over 9 years, without a homeowner's claim EVER being filed and only one minor claim for a road hazard issue on a brand new car.] This was the response: We do not cover claims for damage done by water [even if the insured (aka me and Short) had no clue that the water was leaking AND still do not know where the leak is coming from], water vapor, or humidity under an existing structure. We consider this a pre-existing condition [meaning Short and I ignored a major leak THAT WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT UNTIL WE CALLED THEM] and we do not cover pre-existing conditions.
Well ain't that a kick in the pants? [Let's see...YES!] No worries insurance company - I've got PLENTY of cash hidden away for a complete bathroom makeover. It honestly could be a double bathroom makeover if they discover the leak is actually coming from our bathroom...wouldn't that just be peachy? I suppose we should spend some more time in our crawl space or something. I don't get it...at all. Not going to lie - we are trying NOT to worry about the money and where it will come from BUT we are worried. We are trying to work a few angles to get it torn out and put back together but so far, we aren't sure. The insurance just crapped on us [100% for sure] yesterday so we are going to drop back and punt and figure it out.
Just how God works though...On our way to a salvage place to buy a vanity for the bathroom makeover [wish some of those people that seem to find other strangers in Home Depot and redo rooms in houses would find me...I am guessing they don't hang out at the Salvage Depot] we passed a sign that said: His plan is still good Jeremiah 29:11. Yes, His plan is still good.
Enough about that...my Gabe got to show off his skillz at the Kindergarten talent show today. He loves to do anything and everything that Cooper does or has ever done. Cooper has written and performed his own raps at several talent shows. [Yes, he takes after his mother. Please...no autographs - this is about Gabe...I shouldn't be stealing his thunder.] Gabe chose a song from one of his favorite Christian rappers, Lecrae, and peformed it today. Love that kid! He told me today that his classmates laugh at him because he is the class clown [thank you Captain Obvious] but he loves to make them laugh. How can you argue with that?
Pray for my Cooper and for his heart. When his heart hurts then my heart aches. Nothing is quite as painful as seeing tears falling from the eyes of your 14 year old son and not being able to fix a thing. He is a good boy [not perfect by any stretch] and he wears his heart right on his sleeve. I know he will be OK. Remember, His plan is still good. My tears have come equally as easy over the last few hours as I have watched Coop beat himself up. [Broken hearts suck as much as insurance...and mayo...and public toilets...and Duke basketball. Word.] My boy will be OK..and so will I.
1.5 days and this school year is behind us. Woo hoo! Today was just plain awesome - I had so much fun just laughing and dancing [yes, I dance...scary I know] with my students. We had field day and yearbook signing - good stuff. [Incidentally, lesson learned: If you leave your cell phone on the bleachers with a bunch of 8th graders you are going to have lots of pictures of those 8th graders..and videos...made my day!]
As always, even if we are falling through the floor of the bathroom, life as a Short is awesome :)
