Good Gravy...Somebody Slap Me

Save the drama for yo momma.

First things first...I apologize for the overly dramatic, I-sounded-like-I-was-dying post from a few days ago.  Holy cow Batman. [I mean I could take it down but it's still there so might as well own up to it.]

I'm over it. 

All of it.

I mean, really, God has bigger plans for my life.  

For your life.  

He certainly doesn't want you [or me] to waste time reading [or writing] about drama.  

I am still reading Jen Hatmaker's book, Interrupted, and God is continuing to speak volumes to me. [I'm finally learning to listen.] 

Last Sunday night I hit my knees and I asked God to take all of "this" away...the anxiety, the worry, the things that keep me from Him. 

Why didn't I [with sincerity] ask for this sooner?  Seriously. 

I could kick my own self sometimes. [No, I'm not taking volunteers to do this for me, but thanks.] 

I love Jesus. 

I love, without ANY regrets, these crazy folks I call the Shorties. 

I love that no matter what life throws at me that I can always count on my favorite coach to be standing there, holding my hand.

I love my life.

#MakeMovesOrMakeExcuses

We love Christian rap at our house.  One of our faves is Andy Mineo.  His song, You Can't Stop Me, has played in my head for a while now: 

Well, if I listen to you, and everything you put in my ear

I'll be living like woulda, shoulda, coulda, I'll be paralyzed by fear

Huh, ain't that the truth, if I quit the only way I lose

I got two choices when I do this - make moves or make excuses

Huh, if you know who I'm talking about, then you got me

My biggest enemy is me - and even I can't stop me

As always, being a Short is quite awesome....

Romans 8:31 "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" 

You can't stop me. 

Walking Away

My daddy and I had a rather heated conversation in the parking lot at Crest High School over the whole situation in the stands.  In a nutshell, my daddy implored with me to just learn to ignore folks that are being ugly.  

He is usually always correct when it comes to these things.  Sometimes it takes someone, outside of me, to point out that its just not worth the worry and heartache.

[Just a side note but Craig and I just had a conversation about this.  He asked me was he anything like my daddy and if so, is that what I was looking for when we started dating. He he is a lot like my dad in that his character is evident. Like my dad, he will tell you where he stands but he is respectful and willing to see your side.  He can often see things rationally when I can't...just like my dad.]

I will be honest [as I always try to be]...I am walking in some new territory here and I am frightened.

Worse than that, I am sad for this wonderful man I am married to and he didn't ask to be put in this predicament. 

I love writing this blog. [Seriously, there are tears in my eyes as I type this tonight.]  
I love sharing my heart and my pitfalls [there are so many].  
Most of all, I love sharing my family.   

I love writing when it feels like the very breath I am trying to inhale is hard to find.

Yes. I will share when I feel mistreated or I am angry.  [Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong with this next statement.]  

I take ownership for my words and their recoil. 

I'm not ashamed to be honest and open.  Many times, after I begin writing and revising, and re-reading, I can see bits of snippy so I do my best to provide context. [Perhaps that doesn't make it any less snippy but at least the reader might understand how I'm feeling and why.  That certainly doesn't mean they have to agree or like it.  Again, to each their own.]

I love sharing my faith and what God is doing in my life. 

And honestly, for the first time in so many months of anxiety and despair, I am so excited about this fire, this Holy passion, that is moving under me.  As Hillsong sings, I want to shout it from the Rooftops.

Yet it only takes one moment of petty insecurity to knock the breath right out of a person.  

And suddenly, sharing my heart and my life, intertwined with scriptures and struggles and funny colored brackets [and sometimes words that only mean something to me] seems like a horrible idea.  
  
Beyond writing and sharing my life, I love my husband and my family.  
With reckless abandon.
With no regrets.
With all of my heart.

So I walk away from this blog that has become so much more to me that just words.

Maybe not forever. 

But for now.