Unconditional(ly)

I am not sure why I allow things to bother me so very much.  Many times the things that bother me are way beyond my control and just not worth the ounce of thought [as in an intervention is needed].  

This [follow this link] is one of those things.

According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary unconditional means not limited in any way; complete and absolute.

So many times doing something unconditionally [like loving someone, helping someone, working, etc.] means we [*pointing finger directly at my own self*] must look past our own motives, desires, and selfishness.

We accept people for who they are and not for who we would like [or choose] for them to be.  For relationships to happen, people [*still pointing at me'self] must be willing to put aside petty issues and see each other as people who are not perfect. 

Molly said it so eloquently last week in her Upwards testimony...we must be Jesus.

I am speaking completely honestly [as I try to do here] in saying that I know I haven't done that in this situation. 
I've prayed about it. 
I've written in my journal about it.  
I've talked to Craig about it.

But, I haven't just been Jesus.  

I haven't tried looking past my own hurt feelings. 

I've had a lot of time to think about things [February's been a rather sloooooowww month for me].  

[Stay with me...this is going to connect...eventually.]  Last night I painted a vase.  I've recently become very interested obsessed with chalk paint and refinishing furniture to make it look antiqued or worn.  I bought some vases at Goodwill for about $5 total and I worked on worn for several days.  [Side note: I am not extremely crafty.  I usually mess up and definitely make a mess. I'm learning.]  

I snapped a picture [because doesn't EVERY single detail of our lives have to be pictured, cataloged, Intsagramed, Facebooked, and end up in cyberspace FOREVER and EVER??] to share on social media. 

As I looked at the vase, sitting up on my mantel, it made me think of myself

• flaws [Lord knows I have too many to name in all areas of my life...]
• stained
• refinished
• changed
• meant for something different [Not of this world.]
• a greater purpose [God is revealing so many things to me.]
• scarred [Not just physical, like the recent surgery, put allowing my past stupidity to define me sometimes.]
• distressed [Stress is always there no matter what word you use.]
• something new 

I am not perfect.

I make lots of mistakes [on the daily].

But, just like the vase, I am a work in progress.  I've made mistakes but those mistakes don't define me.  

I cannot make others like me and that is OK. 

I cannot make others see my point of view and that is OK.

Honestly speaking, I am not going to give another thought to those who have consumed so much of my time the last few months.

As I learned in church this morning, I need to be work on pouring myself into God's word so I can pour myself into doing God's work.  I cannot do that if I am wasting [and I honestly do mean wasting] time worrying about this situation, talking about this situation, getting caught up in this situation.  

Most of all, this is taking time away that I can be Jesus.

Thank you God for reality checks.