Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

When I look at my daughters I see beauty. I see two girls with confidence and wisdom.

I see one growing into a strong woman with an amazing faith in God and people.

I see one growing into a teenager with a childlike innocence and a tremendous compassion for those around her.

When I look at them I see love. And grace...boundless, endless grace. 

Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Oliver Platt

"Beauty is how you feel inside. And it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical." Sophia Loren

"To all the girls that think you are fat because you are not a size zero..you're the beautiful one.  It's society who's ugly." Marilyn Monroe

How do I get there?  When I look in that mirror I see 

Ugly.

Fat.

Hideous.

Repulsive. 

I can read these things and say these things but I cannot believe these things.

#TheStruggleIsReal

[I am not fishing for compliments or for anyone to feel sorry for me.  Just being real and sharing my heart right now, at 1:49am.]

I had a situation at school, earlier this year, with some boys making fun of something physical about me. I am not sure what they said about me but I know it wasn't very nice.  Now I feel like I'm on display and an open target when I am in front of them.

For goodness sakes...I am the adult. The teacher. The one in charge.  Why am I allowing them to dictate how I feel? [And that, my friends, is the $64,000 question.] Because maybe they are right. I don't know sometimes.

Being an overweight, short, not fashionably dressed woman is difficult in today's world.  EVERY SINGLE THING I see on social media, in magazines, and apparently in the 8th grade, says that women are not beautiful if they aren't ultra skinny, long-haired, and wearing MK everything. 

I am exercising.  

I am walking.

I lost 3.5 pounds last week.  

I will get there.

So along the way, as you pray, throw my name in there...I sure could us it.