My children drink a lot of milk and the stuff ain't cheap. I told Craig, "We should just buy a cow - that would have to be cheaper." Gabe's solution? "Just find a wizard [because there are several of those here in Cleveland County], get some magic beans like Jack did, grow a bean stalk, and get you a cow." I am seriously wondering if kindergarten is really ready for him.
Riding home yesterday, he told me that Jesus left us a check mark in the sky via the clouds [he didn't use the word via - that is my little embellishment] and then he told me that Jesus also left a door to Heaven in those same clouds. Saturday morning the boy was up with the chickens. Apparently he was Googling Jesus because I found it typed in the search on the tool bar. Simple yet so powerful. Thank you God for the innocence and sincerity of children.
I caught the tail end of the youth's session on the book of James. The youth pastor shared the following video and I found it overwhelmingly emotional.
The words of her weight loss struggles pierced my heart. I could not stop the stinging tears of regret and frustration. I wanted to run away and leave all of this anger at myself laying right there in that chair. [My levees are broken, my walls have come tumbling down on me.] How did I get to be this person sitting in that chair? [The rain is falling.] Giving up is easier than standing up. [Defeat is calling.] And at that moment she said the one thing I needed to hear: I've never asked God to help me in this journey. I've never asked for his guidance. [I need you to set me free.] I want to be healthy. I want to be happy with who I am. [Take me far away from the battle. I need you.] I will never be that skinny girl from high school and I am OK with that but I know I have to stop this insane denial and get with it. [Shine on me.]
I try not to get overly emotional but honestly, the tears have come easily the last few days. [No, I am not with child but thanks for wondering.] There is lots in this crazy head of mind [except sanity and an affinity to remember the simple things] and I would definitely settle for a slow down right about now. Maybe Gabe can find me some of those magic beans...if only it were that simple.
One day at a time and it will all be OK.
If there is one thing [I am choosing to focus on one thing tonight....I know that there are MANY things I am not good at] I am not very good at it is praying. I pray, alot, and that is because it usually takes me ALL day to finish the prayer I start in the morning. I begin to pray and the next thing I know, I'm thinking about school and fixing dinner and how much money I need for the day and.....my thoughts wander. God just wants my undivided attention and I can't get the other "stuff" off my mind long enough to give that to him. I get so mad at myself [really, I believe I need some ADD medicine or something to help me focus on one task at a time because lately, I have the attention span of a gnat] so I pick up where I left off. It literally takes me all morning to pray sometimes. I suppose there isn't anything wrong with a constant attitude of prayer but mine is because I can't give God the time.
So what do I do? I really have wonderfully awesome days when I get up, early before EVERYONE in the house, fix a pot of coffee, and study my Bible. [If you've been with me lately then you know that ain't been happening.] Just me and God. I have so enjoyed being a part of a Bible study about the life of David and I have loved diving in the old testament to learn about David. I enjoy having the opportunity to not only read the good book but study scripture. Not having a regular sleep pattern [snore, hold my breath, snore, hold my breath, snore, hold my breath, roll over, snore louder, on and on and on...like a bad Lionel Richie song, "All Night Long"] is killing me ~ literally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Blah, blah, blah..."He that is good for excuses is seldom good for anything else," said Ben Franklin. The sleep doc is working on the sleep thing but I have to do my part in the mean time. If that means sucking it up, getting outta the bed 30 or 45 minutes earlier so that I make time for God then that is what I have to do. I keep a list of annoying excuses for no homework on my board at school yet I am making worst ones to myself and more. No more excuses for a lot of things that need to change with me. Those of you that know me [and hopefully love me a little] need to hold me accountable, keep my feet to the fire, and most of all, pray for me.
I borrowed the title of this post from one of Molly's friends. Last year, during DNow, their leader told them to talk to God like he is right there in the room while they are praying. Get personal when you pray. And be specific [not like, "I really want those new shoes or that Coach pocketbook] and don't be complacent by saying the same things every day [God knows when we are just recititing the same things over and over again out of habit]. I can do those things. I will do those things.
I am so very blessed and I've have to get out of this funk that I seem to be living under. I'm not a "go to work and complain" kind of person nor am I a "let me sit around and do nothing" girl but here lately, I've been both. I have nothing to complain about - absolutely nothing. I have the absolutely greatest children - in the ENTIRE world - and I am married to a wonderful, Godly man. I am part of an enormous family [in-laws, out-laws, and and everyone in between] that have done more for me than I could ever repay. So, get over it Missy....seriously.
As always, God was there - I am the one that moved. I will leave you with one of my favorite songs....
