Because I Am...

I am currently spending night number three in the hospital with an ailing husband.  What started out Monday morning as a "routine" laparoscopic appendectomy [I feel so smart using those big words] has turned into, well, a cluster of sorts.  

[I am sharing details that you will either find fascinating or just plain gross. You've been warned.]

First, the surgeon, upon ballooning up poor Mr. Short's abdomen to perform the procedure figured out his appendix was very stubborn.  The calcification [again, who but a Short, gets a useless stone in a useless organ] basically cemented the appendix to the intestines....in the WRONG direction!!  He even tried an extra port to see if he could get the appendix out.  Nadda. Zip. Wasn't happening.

Next, he had to make an incision to get to the appendix.  So, in addition to 4 "bullet holes" Short also has a nice zipper.  The appendix, in the words of the surgeon, "did not look right", so he called in pathology. Holy guacamole!  We went from "You'll be home by tonight" to "There was a question of a malignancy in his intestines."  

Last, [but certainly not least as the Short summer has gone] the man had a hernia that repaired itself with the incision to the abdomen. [I told Craig he got a free surgery.  He has yet to see the humor.]

Two days out [slowly moving into day number three] after the surgery day we are still here at the hospital. 

To say Craig is disgusted is an understatement.  
He is so ready to be home. 
We are ready for him to be home.

It has been quite the summer at the Short house.

Yet, through each mountaintop experience and the valleys, God has shown us that he is holding us up and sustaining us with his grace and mercy.  

Today, talking with one of the many folks that have called to check on us, a friend said, "We find the joy in every situation." 

I could seriously shout that from the roof right now! [Of course, if I do, they will find me and then I'll be breaking news on many channels and the Shelby Star's crappy website.]

Craig is going to be OK.  There was not a malignancy.  Yes, he will be in pain for a while and recovery will be a bit longer BUT he will recover. 

How many folks are still facing days, weeks, months in the hospital?   
How many people are facing things they will NEVER recover from like illness or addiction or abuse?

Finding the joy in our situation is SUPER easy.  This is just a bump in the road [even for Craig...as bad as he feels right now, I know he would agree] and all will end well. 

Countless numbers of friends and family have called, visited, texted, and emailed to check on all six of us.  I have been overwhelmed with all the well wishes, offers to help us with the kids, meals, and prayers.  Our church family has also been such a blessing, watching over our children, getting meals together, and just being faithful prayer warriors.

Finding the joy, even in the midst of trials.

I will say that our experience here at the hospital, though not how we intended to spend this last week in July, has been OK.  Everyone has been excellent [I heard that was the buzz word around these parts] and very kind to my sweet husband. 

Finding the joy that others bring to us when we can't find it ourselves.

[This next part of this post is just me simply pouring out my heart about a situation that really bothered me, but needed to bother me.  It is something that I have been working on for the better part of this week, between all the commotion.  I am in no way, shape, or form looking for sympathy.  The truth hurts. I am choosing to find the joy and change my circumstances.]

The title of this post is "Because I Am...".  Allow me to finish the sentence:

Because I am overweight...

• ....my feet hurt.  Doesn't matter the shoes...they hurt.
• ....I can't wear decent clothes.  I am constantly trying to hide it all.
• ....I don't want to be in ANY pictures.  I hate pictures. Despise them. Avoid them like the plague.
• ....I get uncomfortable in social situations.  I am embarassed at how I look and my mind lets me focus on that so much when I am around others.
• ....Mirrors are not my friend.  I barely look in one to get ready.

Because I am overweight, I could not get on a ride while at Dollywood.  I was actually on the ride but the operator couldn't get the shoulder harness pushed down all the way so I had to exit the ride. In front of everyone on the ride.
That was my moment.  That was the moment that defined it all for me.  

Wake. Up. Call.

I am the only one...THE ONLY ONE...who can fix this for me.  There isn't a magic pill or shake or whatever that is going to make me healthy.  Getting healthy and staying healthy is up to me.  

I do make an effort but that isn't enough.  It is called change. 

I've wrestled with this for a couple of weeks and I go from discouraged to hopeful and back and forth.

Society says women are only "beautiful" when they are thin.  Thin as in skinny all the way to thin as in fit..but either way you look at it, that is what others see.  

I will use a perfect example that has been in the news recently.  A Boston radio show announcer made the comment [that ultimately resulted in the station he worked for being dropped by Fox Sports] that if Erin Andrews were 15 pounds heavier she wouldn't be reporting for Fox Sports but waitressing at a Perkin's. I guess that means I should really be doubling as an iceberg in the Antarctic. Seriously.  

I have listened to it at my job for years [from students and employees] when people are talking about others.  I heard a student this year say that he didn't like _____ [yes, he called her by name] because she was one of those fat girls. [I promptly told him that heavy, skinny as a rail, or in the middle that it really didn't matter because none of them were stupid enough to like him anyway so all was good.  Idiot.] I've overheard one teacher tell another male teacher that he liked driving field trips for a particular female teacher because she was, and a I quote, "hot" and "good to look at".  If he said it loud enough for me to hear, I know the kids heard it too. Idiot. Yes, it does happen in the opposite way too.  

I've listened to people describe others as "heavy set" or "that bigger girl or guy".  Why can't she be described as the girl with the amazing singing voice or the guy with the awesome sense of humor?  

Women don't help themselves at all. Social media has created the idea that the smaller my bathing suit, the more my boobs hang out, and the darker my tan that I will get "liked".  [This is a whole other rant for another night.] Any boy [or man for that matter] that is giving you his seal of approval on your pictures is NOT doing so because they like who you are...the only like what they see. [And by the looks of many of them, they get to see ALOT.]  This type of "let it all hang out then post it on Twitter and Instagram" mentality leads to this idea that we, as women, are just something to look at [or in my case, turn away from]. 

Being overweight is a struggle and one that I never saw coming on until I was here.  I do intend to be healthy.  I know that this is not an easy fix and one that is going to take a lot of will power, dedication, and change on my part.  I know that I have to...
...drink water.
...exercise.
...put down the diet Sundrop [&^%$#&&#].
...eat healthier.
I actually started changing last week, by adding some new things to the menu rotation. [This was more to try it out on the Shorties that were at home to make sure we all eat healthy.]  I liked the new meals. [They liked the meals.] I felt good after those few changes.  This week I wanted to try that 9Round place....but Craig's appendix had a mind of its own [and apparently its own zipcode] and I've been stuck here all week. 

HOWEVER, I will not give up.  I am going to use a running plan that worked for me last time to get moving again. I know I can do Zumba just right up the road.

Because I am a Jesus girl I know that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.  

Because I know longer want to hate the mirror, my closet, or myself in pictures I will get healthy.

As always, even when the struggles are hanging on, life as a Short is awesome. 

Kitchen Nightmares

So...this is what happens when you put water on a grease fire:

Thankfully, by the absolute grace of God [if grace is an ocean we're all sinking], my sweet girl walked away with only 2nd degree burns on one hand.  I say only because this could have been SO. MUCH. WORSE.  As we were sitting at urgent care the night it happened I looked over to see an area behind her left ear with several hairs that were singed. 

I am not good in a crisis. [Ask anyone that knows me well. I get upset, jump to conclusions, lose it, cry....I'm no good at all. One time a student had a seizure in the room next to me.  Incidentally, they were watching the dreaded "puberty video".  I freaked out. Absolutely freaked out.  I thought they were going to take me to the hospital instead of him.]  Yet, even when I pulled into the driveway to a huge fireball coming out the door, I didn't get upset. [In a sense that I fell apart. I was upset just not in the mom-has-lost-it kind of upset.] I got the kiddos calmed down [Gabe and Emma were both in the far reaches of the back yard, wailing as if they were on fire] and quickly assessed the damage to Molly's hand - she didn't even know she was severely burned.  We threw open all the windows and headed to urgent care.  

And I never, ever lost control.  Score one for staying cool.

But, I'd be lying if I didn't tell the rest of the story....

Things always happen when Craig isn't here.  The next night, in the midst of a late night conversation about what happened, I lost it.  I screamed, head in the pillow, at the thought of what could have happened.  [Never think about what could happen....] 

• Her entire head and body could have been engulfed in flames.
• Emma and/or Gabe could have been engulfed in flames.

When I allowed myself to think about what could have happened it scared me senseless.  For that few minutes I let all of that just hit the ceiling while my sweet husband just listened.  I sobbed "thank you" to God over and over and over again. 

I lost it. Completely and utterly lost it. 

Molly was upset about the damage to the kitchen.  My response to her? "Damn the kitchen.  You are OK." [Yes. I cursed. Sorry.] I didn't even bat an eye at the damage.  Who cares?  It is stuff. I'm not defined by my stuff or lack of stuff.  I can get more stuff or I can throw away the damaged stuff and not worry about it.  That doesn't matter to me one bit. Times like this are why you have insurance. 

I already have the check in hand.

American Restoration is working on getting everything back in order [and I would highly recommend them to anyone who needs any restoration work done for fire, smoke, or water damage]. 

Molly's hand is healing.  [Just a side note here: I know people who have cried over fender benders in parking lots...because of damage to their car!  Really? I don't want to be remembered as a person who drove a nice car or one who decorated really well.  (And honestly, there isn't any chance I'll be remembered for either of those things....)]

My daughter is alive.  My children are OK. My house is livable. 

God is good. 

God is so gracious. 

God will always do more than we could ever imagine.